The Cheerleaders

I watched the RCB Vs RR match at the Bangalore Chinnaswamy Stadium last month and I must say I pity the cheerleaders. These ladies have to dance for some local indian songs, they don't understand the meaning of it, by the time they come on to the stage, listen to a couple of lines and get the rhythm, the song is over. And the worst part is they face the audience when they are performing, its like they are there to cheer the audience and not the teams.

If these matches were happening on a ship, the ship would rock. Because everytime the cheer leaders come on to the stage to perform the crowd that was evenly distributed across the stand is displaced somewhere closer to the Cheerleader stand. (see pic below)

PJ Time - March

Vimal: Hey macha do you know that there is a woman in Nilgiris who can lay eggs?
Baba: Seriously!?!?!
Amith: Yaa man.
Baba: Which Nilgiris?!?!?!
Vimal: Indiranagar.
Baba: Oh Shit, how did you come to know about it?
Vimal: The other day we were at the store and Russel asked for eggs. So this supervisor called this sales girl and said "oru dozen muttai poduma." And she came with eggs.
Baba: oh.. Shit.. Why did I even open my mouth.

At Indiranagar Nilgiris,
Russel: (to some sales girl) Excuse Me. Do you have barbeque sauce?
Sales Girl: Babu ki saas?!?!?!... Babu ki saas?!?!?!... Babu ki saas?!?!?!... (In hindi it means Babu's mother-in-law).
Vimal: Forget it macha, we'll look for it ourselves....

While driving past the K R Puram Bridge..
Vimal: I wonder why they still haven't cremated this bridge?
Russel: Why?
Vimal: It's a hanging bridge.
Russel: Aah...

While watching some reality show on T.V
Vimal: Let me go and do some work atleast instead of going through this torture. (goes inside and comes back with a screwdriver).
Vimal: Hey Leeni, is there anything in your house that need to be fixed right now?
Leeni: Yes. Your brain.
Amith: Ha ha ha ha....
Vimal: Umm... how can I fix something that does not exist?

Amith: Goli Maar usko. (In hindi goli means bullet and this phrase is the equivalent of shoot them)
Vimal: Why do you want to hit them with pills? (In hindi goli also means pills and maar means hit)
Leeni: If you had to be in Afganistan, Taliban would have given up terrorism long back.

Amith: I generally don't mingle with my relatives much, there was only one cousin with whom I was pretty close.
Vimal: Ok. so who is pretty in this and who is close?
Amith: ?!?!? Well. I'm pretty and he is close.
Vimal: Ok.

A liitle later...
Vimal: I heard this new tamil movie's story is pretty similar to my love life...
Amith: Who is pretty in this and who is similar?
Vimal: Ada Paavi, you are giving my biscut back to me huh?

How to compliment and insult some one at the same time?
Answer# 1:
Boy: Hey you are pretty.
Girl: Thank You.
Boy: Oh no wait I still haven't finished. You are pretty.... annoying.
Answer # 2:
Boy 1: Hey you are kind.
Boy 2: Thank you.
Boy 1: wow wow wait I still haven't finished. You are kind... of useless.

While sitting at a restraunt, Amith's phone rings..
Chai: How do you get that ring tone?
Vimal: You need to get a text message to get that ring tone.
Chai: oh God. I shouldn't have opened my mouth.

Russel: This is fish or what?
Vimal: That's what the waiter said but I highly doubt that.
Meghana: Why?
Vimal: He said fish finger, but fish doesn't have fingers, they have fins.
Meghana: How stupid?
Vimal: Hey ain't I brave?
Chai: Why?
Vimal: I don't know swimming and I'm eating fish.
Meghana: oh God. Enough.

Chai: Hey. your home town is coimbatore right?
Amith: No macha Home Town is in Marathalli (Home Town is also the name of a store in Bangalore).
Meghana: Oh God. These guys are never serious when they speak or what?
Amith: Well if we are serious we'll not be here naa.. we'll be in hospital.
Meghana: Never mind.

Chai is a guy who works long hours and we generally keep pulling his leg saying he spends so much time in office because he opens and closes the gates of our company.
Chai: How come you are spending long hours in office?
Amith: Well I'm inspired by you Chai. I'm following your footsteps.
Chai: But don't get into this habit, It's..
Vimal: You open and close the gates of MphasiS now?
Chai: oh God. Here we go again.

Meghana: I have adopted this new cat and I'm wondering what to name her now?
Vimal: You should hame the cat 'Flash.'
Meghana: Why?
Vimal: Because the other two cats that you already have are pixel and megapixel so I thought Flash would be an appropriate name unless you want to name her gigapixel. (Actually the two cats' names are Pixie and Marushka).
Meghana: Forget it.

Vimal: So you are going to Ooty huh?
Leeni: Yup.
Vimal: What is Ooty famous for??
Leeni: Chocolates?
Vimal: It used to be famous for one thing which is not in Ooty anylonger.
Leeni: What?
Vimal: Me!
Leeni: I thought that was coimbatore???
Vimal: That also....

Vimal: This thing is getting out of control now...
Leeni: So is your age..
VImal: ?!?!?!?!?!
Leeni is still waiting for a comeback statement from VImal on this...

Leeni's colleague: I have some Michel Jackson songs but all of them are in english.

Vimal: Hey. That shop's name is Fit Right Shoes, may be we'll find our size there.
Russel: What was the name again?
Vimal: FIt Right Shoes.
Leeni: So what about the left foot then?
Vimal: ????!!!!

While watching a cricket match @ Chinnaswamy Stadium
Vimal: Do you know Anil Kumble's interview came in today's paper. He says he wants to become a Lokh Sabha Member.
Russel: Is it?!
Vimal (to Leeni): I'm happy that Shashrukh did not become an Umpire.
Leeni: Why?
Vimal: He stretches his arms all the time and people will think he is showing 'wide.'
Russel: He will become macha.
Vimal: Umpire? Hey but Shahrukh has not been through any professional cricket training.
Russel: I'm talking about Anil Kumble becoming a politician.

Russel: Hey Chai, howmuch did you pay for the car?
Chai: 4 Lacs.
Russel: That's a bit high man.
Chai: They actually asked for 420.
Vimal: You are there naa 420. so what was the problem?
Chai pours water on Vimal.

Russel (on the phone): Hey Chai come over.
Chai: Give me 2 minutes.
Vimal: Oh you are making Maggi Noodles huh?
Chai: Shut up.

A little later...
Chai: Let's go with the maximum.
Vimal: Do youi know what maximum means?
Chai: What?
Vimal: Periamma.
Chai: oh God.

Leeni: You don't do any work at office anyways...
Chai: Says who?
Vimal: Ya now the gates at MphasiS are electronically controlled.
Chai: Shut up.
Some Guy (in office): Hey Baba how come your vehicle is parked in our basement for ages? You are not using it or what?
Baba: Month end macha, so no money to buy petrol. That's why I'm using the other vehicle.
Vimal: So what does your other vehicle run on?
Baba: What????
Vimal: What does your other vehicle run on?
Baba: What stupid question macha obviously petrol only.
Vimal: Hey just now you said month end, you don't have money to buy petrol so your using the other vehicle. So how can the other vehicle run on petrol.
Baba:.....
Some Guy: Ha ha ha ha...
Baba: Forget it macha... I need to dial into a meeting now.

No words... just look at'em....

City Bike

Italians? Man that is barbaric

Guess we were the only customers in this dhaba, check out the size of the vessel.

One of the supplementary forms for Indian Passport

Someone drives a Merc to a Hyundai showroom???

Yin & Yang

An export reject pillow cover.

PJ Time - February

Here we are... back with some of the deadly PJs and one liners....

These were a series of Jokes based on one of our Friend's name 'Malcolm.'

Vimal: What will you say when Malcolm has gone to a function?
All: What?
Vimal: Mal Function

Amih: What will you say if Malcolm starts practising Law?
All: What?
Amith: Mal Practise.

Vimal: What will you say if Malcolm has eaten properly?
All: What?
Vimal: Mal Nourished.

Amith: What will you call a nutriion product that Malcom would Invent?
All: What?
Amith: Mal Nutrition.

Malcolm: Enough Man. Shut up.
Vimal:What is malcolm's attire called as?
All: What?
Vimal: Mal ware.

Amith: What is the name of the locality Malcolm lives in?
All: What:
Amit: Mal'area'

Vimal: What wil you say when Malcolm smokes a beedi in a bar?
All: What?
Vimal: 'Mal'abar Beedi

Malcolm: Oh God!
Vimal & Amith: Yes you called me?
Malcolm: oh Shit....

Vimal: What hapens to Carol on December 25th?
Carol: What happens...
Malcolm: I don't know.
Vimal: She becomes Christmas Carol!
Malcolm: Oh Go... Never Mind...

Vimal: What do you say when Malcolm has gone out?
Malcolm: Malgone.
Vimal: See now you are calibrated.
From that day Macolm and Carol call us Vilas and Omith.
Vimal: Hey do you know why they don't have to sell cough syrups in Dubai?
Chai: Why they are considered as drugs or something?
Vimal: No because right on the cover it says shake well before use.
Chai: Shut Up.

Vimal: Russel, drive slow there is a cow in front of you.....
Leeni: That's a bull...
Vimal: Whatever I can't make out if its a bull when its dark.
Amith: Why would you want to make out with a bull?
Vimal: ?!?!?!?!
Leeni: This must go on your blog.

Malcolm: Shahid Kapoor got some award recently do you know for which move he got the award?
Vimal: I think it was for 3 idiots.
Malcolm: What? Shaid Kapoor never acted in that movie.
Vimal: That's exactly why they gave him the award.

Vimal: My computer is crashing too often these days man.
Russel: Why don't you sell your computer..
Amith: May be say 10,000 bucks..
Vimal: No Macha I can't give my computer and 10,000 on top of it for the taker.

Vimal: Hey Rishi, this is your cigarette packet?
Rishi: Yes.
Vimal: Do you know if i smoke this cigerette my birthday will change?
Rishi: What?!?!?!
Vimal: Ya on the cover it says smoking causes cancer, I'm an aquarian now.
Rishi: Aiyoo.....

Leeni was trying out a shoe to go with her dress, she had put on one shoe to just check...
Leeni: Russel, does this look perfet?
Russel: Yes.
Vimal: Actually no. You'll need to put on the other shoe as well.
Leeni: Thanks Vimal. What would we do wthout you around.

While watching Avatar, in the end the hero tells the heroine 'I see You,' which is the equivalent to I love you in aelien language and the heroine reciprocates with, 'I see You."
Amith: That guy is trying to tell I'm seriously injured take me to the ICU and this mad woman is telling 'I See You' women I tell you.

Leeni: Hey Chai, you didn't go to work yesterday and today?
Chai: Ya.
Leeni: The who is opening and cloing the gates at MphasiS?
Chai Expresses irritation.
Vimal: Let's spare him atleast when he is not keeping well. Actually I had to jump off the fence yesterday and today because Chai was on leave.
Chai: ?!?!?!

Jai: Macha I'm so unhappy with my job, I want to put papers.
Vimal: Ya you can but first find out how much they will pay and will you be able to get up early in the morning?
Jai: What?!?!?!
Vimal: You said you want to put paper naa... Its a tough job macha... you have to wake up early in the morning, you'll need to remember which paper to put in which house, etc.
Jai: Forget it, I'll go talk to someone else.

Shushmit: Hey what channel is this you guys are watching?
Russel: Discovery Turbo.
Vmal: It's an amazing channel. 24 hours they only show automobiles, reviews, making of vechiles, remodelling, designing...
Leeni: In short they show vandi repair 24/7.
Vimal: Vandi Repair? Leeni there is so much more than vandi repair that they show in this.
Since then discovery turbo is called as the 'Vandi Repair Channel.'

Russel was waiting in the hosptal for a surgical procedure to be completed.
Doctors: Lets give him a local anesthesia.
Vimal & Amith: What nonsense. He is foreign return why are they not giving him an international anesthesia. Shall we ask the doctors?
Russel: Guys stop embarassing me and wait outside.

Russel: Who is gong to bring the coffee from the cafeteria kitchen?
Vimal: Amith will go.
Leeni: Hey we've ordered 3 cofees how will he get 3 coffees with 2 hands man?
Vimal: oh. Amith do one thing, drink one coffee there only and get the other two. Problemo Solved.
Leeni: Shouldn't have opened my mouth.

Amith: Guys. I finally got my promotion papers. Who is treating me now?
Leeni: Fabian the Psychiatrist
Amith: ?!?!?!

Vimal: The purpose of a Business Improvement Team is to validate your gut feel with numbers.

At a wedding, some random friend
Friend: Hey where do you wash hands?
Vimal: In the hand.
Friend: ?!?!?!

Saravana: I heard two or three people will quit in another two months, why?
Vimal: Bramin Studies
Saravana: Bramin Studies????
Vimal: Matlab Higher Studies. (Higher is generally pronounced as Iyer in south india)

Vimal: When you know you are going for a debrief session, make sure you put on atleast two briefs.

Books you must read...

Screw It, Let's Do It by Richard Branson

This is a short autobiography of one of the most admired business personalities in the world, Richard Branson. There is a lot of interesting trivia that one can come know reading this book like how Branson met Pil Collins, why did Elton John compose an album for Princess Diana, what got Banson into the jail, what's the connection between Branson and Amundsen. Besides these trivia what really grabs your attention is the determination that Branson towards all the things he has done in life so far. This book also answers your question on what sets a world class business leader aside from the mediocre ones. This book is one of the 'Quick Reads' editions that is 100 pages written in simple and plain english. You just need about an hour to read this book.

"Always beware if the risks are too random or too hard to predict, but remember, if you opt for a safe life, you will never know what it's like to win."

"Chase your dreams, but live in the real world.

"Never do anything if it means you can't sleep at night."

"Challenge is the core and mainspring of all human action. If there's an ocean, we cross it. If there's a disease, we cure it. If there's a wrong, we right it. If there's a record, w break it. If there's a mountain, we climb it."

Inside Steve's Brain by Leander Kahney

This is a book on Steve Jobs, the face of Apple. I would strongly recommend this book to managers, techies and aspiring entrepreneurs. If you've ever wondered, "What's so great about apple?" or " What's so great about Steve Jobs?" then this book will be able to answer. Its facinating to read about how Steve Jobs plans every single product launch to the minutest of details. The book also explains the miticulous approach of Steve Jobs when it comes to developing products. Each apple product is designd to perfection and the motive behind designing each product has always been to redefine existing standards and taking it to the next level. This makes apples products far mor supeior in the market and the only thing other companies can think of is to try and catch up. There are definity a lot of things to learn from Steve Jobs, and this book clerly highlights those and goes a lot in detail making it easier for the reader to look at the big picture. If you have already read or planning to read Steve Wozniac's (co founder of Apple) biography, then let me tell you there is a bit of cotadiction between both the Steve's version of the story.

Some Exerpts from the book....
"What makes Steve's methodology different than everybody else's is that he always believed that the most important decisions you make are not the things you want to do, but the things you decide not to do."

"A lot of times, people don't know what they want until you show it to them."

"Design is a funny word, some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, its really how it works. The design of the Mac wasn't what it looked like, although that was part of it. Primarly, it was how it worked. To design something really well, you hav to get it. You have to really grok what it's all about. It takes passionate commitment to really thoroughly undersand smething, chew it up, not just quickly swallow it. Most peple don't take the time to do that."

"When you start looking at a problem and think its really simple, you don't understand how complex the problem really is."

"Innovation comes from people meeting up in the hallways or calling each other at 10.30 at night with a new idea, or because they realised something that shoots holes in how we've been thinking about a problem. It's ad hoc meetings of six people called by someone who thinks he has figured out the coolest new thing ever and who wants to know what other people think of his idea."

"The older I get, the more I'm convinced that motivesmake so much difference."

"You can't be too far ahead, but you have to be far enough ahead because it takes time to implement. So you have to intercept a moving train."

"It gave a tremendous level of self-confidnce, that through exploration and learning one could understand seemingly very complex things in one's environment. My childhood was very fortunate in that way."

PJ Time

 This is the December editon of Dadly PJs & Onliners.

Auburn: Hey when do we start the Christmas decoration.
Vimal: Let's first find out if the birthday boy is ok with all this.
Auburn: Who's the birthday boy noe?
Vimal: Jesus Christ.
Auburn: Oh God, should have thought of that.

@ Auburn's Bachelor Party
Rishi: How old are you Auburn?
Auburn: 27.
Shashi: Hey yesterday you said your were 26?
Vimal: Hey Happy Birthday Auburn.
Everybody in the room: ?!?!?!?!?

@ Auburn's Bachelor Party

Shashi: Do you know the latest craze in China, selling virgin chicken. Restraunts that claim they serve virgin chicken attract a lot of crowd.
Baba: What's a virgin chicken?
Vimal: Egg. So omlette and egg burji are in demand now in China.
Shashi: Dai.....
Everybody in the room: Ha Ha Ha....

@ Auburn's Bachelor Party
Rishi: Hey where did you get the spring roll from?
Auburn: In some shop in commercial street I didn't plan to pick up spring rolls, the guy asked us to have a bite. It tasted good so picked up some for the party.
Vimal: So what would have happened if Auburn actually had to eat spring rolls there instead of just having a bite?
Baba: What would have happened?
Vimal: Bite would have become Kilo Byte!
Rishi: Hey send this guy home man.

@ Auburn's Bachelor Party
Thomas: One of my friend is selling his Ford Ikon, if you are really intrested I can take you to his place one day.
Baba: Ya please let me know.
Thomas: Sure you can probably take it for a spin and then decide if you want to go for it or not.
Vimal: Hey in that case make sure you take Mutthaiya Muralidharan along with you.
Baba: Why?
Vimal: He is a good spinner naa...
Everybody in the room: Aiyyooo....

@ Karthik's Party, looking at Rishi's 100 Pipers bottle...
Vimal: Rishi where are the remaning 95 Pipers?
Rishi: What?!?!?!
Vimal: The label says 100 Pipers but there are only 5 in the label.
Rishi: The rest are in Scotland.
Some other day @ Auburn's Bachelor Party
Rishi: My brother is going to Scoland in Jan and even I'm planning to go there at that time.
Vimal: That will be good, finally you'll get to meet the remaining 95 pipers.
Rishi: Wha? Oh ok... Yaaa....
Everyone else in the room: ?!?!?!?!?!?!

At an ad hoc drinking session outside the Leela's, at a time when everyone was drunk...
Chetan: Guys name any 10 great men in the world.
Jones: Bill Gates.
Amith: Niel Armstrong.
Vimal: Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker.
Russel: Michael Dell.
and so on, then
Chetan: Good so all these men, they had a dream, they were detrmined to pursue their dream and they lived their dreams. Right? It was no rocket scince for them to achieve their dreams.
Vimal: But Chetan, for Niel Armstng it was rocket science.
Chetan: Good One....
Everyone: Ha Ha Ha....

Chai: What movie is this?
Vimal: Taken.
Chai: What's it about?
Vimal: The whole movie is about a kid sleeping.
Chai: What?!?!?!?
Viml: It's about a kidnap.
Chai: Oh God.

Vimal: Hey how long Tequila has been in existance?
Chai: I don't know, it didn't come with a birth certificate.
Vimal: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Vimal: Nice shirt, how come this one's with a ChineseCollar.
Auburn: I Like this Mandrain collar, but the tailor didn't make it the way I'dasked him to.
Vimal: You should have written the specifications in a piece of paper and given it to him.
Auburn: No I actually gave him a sample shirt and he still screwed it up.
Vimal: Sample shirt doesn't work you should have written the insructions and givn it to him.
Auburn: How will that help?
Vimal: He will Read & Taylor (Reid & Talor) naa...?
Auburn: Started......?!?!?!?!?!

Leeni: Harmoica is like a mouthorgon right?
Vimal: Nope its a girl named Monica who loses everything.
Leeni: Ok. No more questions.

Vimal: Where is this guy comming from?
Amith: He had gone to attend an interview for a vacancy in our xyz department.
Vimal: That's a tough job and he wants to move there?
Amith: Yup.
Vimal: Ask him to keep a fire extinguisher with him all the time.
Amith: OK.
Shashi: Why?
Vimal: His ass will be on fire most of the time naa that's why.

Chai (holding a beer bottle in his hand): Hey where is the opener?
Vimal: Must be sleeping.
Leeni: Yaa he played the whole day naa so should e tired.
Chai: What?!?!?!?!
Vimal & Leeni: You were asking for Sewag right? He's the opener....
Chai: God.

Vimal: Hey check out that name board, it says Legal Answer.
Amith: Where?
Vimal: See there it says Laajawab.
Amith: Ok.

There's a new social networkig site for all the donkeys out there, its called AssBook.

Pictures can say a lot

Here are some pictures that i really enjoyed, thought will share it with the rest of the world and explain the meaning hidden inside every picture.

"A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step." You need to step on this guy's ass for him to join us for a trip. BTW that's Russel trying to kick Amith's ass.

The more hands you have the more you will clean your house. Russel (in pic) has an obsession towads cleaning so the friends lend him a helping hand.