*What’s the moral of the story?

As kids we’ve always loved stories and almost every story told to us had a moral in it, so much so that even if someone tells us a story without a moral we sometimes tend to think the story isn’t over yet. I remember some of the stories I was told when I was kid and then to all my cousins as they grew up and now to my nephews and nieces as they grow up. Surprisingly these stories and their morals have remained the same all these years.


How many of you noticed the asterisk besides “What’s the moral of the story?” and started searching for a potential fine print? That’s where I’m getting at now, I was thinking through some of the stories and realized that the morals taught in those stories are actually a con job and one could end up being a loser if he / she decides to live by it. So I thought I’ll make these morals more transparent by calling out the caveats so that people know what these morals truly mean.

The Hare and the Tortoise

This one is everyone’s favorite. Once upon a time there was a hare and a tortoise. The hare makes fun of the tortoise; the tortoise gets pissed off, calls the hare for a race. The hare knew what’s gonna happen so said “Challenge Accepted” and took off. The tortoise was up to a lousy start and was taking his own sweet time and walking aaraam sey. He had the will but there was no skill.

By now the hare had already covered more than half the distance, so the bugger sat under a tree and went off to sleep. The tortoise eventually reached the place where the hare was taking a nap (snoring to glory), went past him and finished the race. The hare got up after a while, realizing he’d over slept, the hare said “Oh SHIT” and ran to the finish line only to see the tortoise LOL at the hare from the other side of the finish line.

Moral of the Story: *Slow and steady wins the race.

*Caveat: You can be slow and steady and still win the race provided people who are competing with you are skilled but are either lazy or have serious attitude / will issues.


Woodcutter and his Axe

Once upon a time there was a woodcutter who was cutting trees by the river. While chopping down a tree, his axe slips from his hand and falls into the river. Not sure what to do he sits by the river crying and praying and “poof” appeared an angel from the water and asked him “what’s up?.” The dude said his axe fell in the river and without that he will not be able to make his living and all that.

So the angel goes into the river and comes back with a golden axe and asks if it was his, the woodcutter said no. So she went in again and this time came back with a silver axe and asked him if it was his, the woodcutter said no again. The angel went into the river for the third time and finally came back with his axe, the woodcutter said, “yes this is my axe, thanks.” The angel says “since you were honest you shall have all three axes,” leaves them with him and disappears.

Moral of the Story: *Truthfulness brings its own reward.

*Caveat: The above moral is applicable when you are self employed / a free lance and screw up at work. If you are employed elsewhere, you are sure to get your ass fired for screwing up like that.


The Boy who cried Wolf

Once upon a time there was this shepherd dude, who kept shouting “wolf wolf” for time pass. Every time he cried wolf, the farmers from the nearby fields used to come running thinking there is really a wolf and that the shepherd dude needs to be rescued. After the farmers get there this bugger will ROFL his ass out saying “I fooled ya’ll, I fooled ya’ll.”

This went on for quite some time and the farmers were losing it on this guy. One fine day a wolf actually came over and attacked the shepherd and he cried “wolf wolf.” The farmers thought he was chumma doing othla this time also and did not bother checking on him. The wolf ate this bugger and his goats and took off.

Moral of the Story: *We may not believe someone who often lies even when he tells the truth.

* Caveat: This moral is not applicable in Politics because regardless of you speaking the truth or lying people will still believe you.

Are Superheros really Super?

I recently watched Superman Returns with friends (Home Video) and noticed the stricking resemblance the superman story had with spiderman. Superman Returns was such a boring movie that I lost interest after the first 30 minuts and went back to playing games on my mobile phone while my friends watched the rest of the movie. After that incident, I don't think I will ever be able to watch another superhero movie.

And most of the superhero movies have a similar story line as well. The hero has some sort of superpower due to which he is a super hero, he leads a normal life like others but when there is a problem he'll chage into this extensively complicated and uncomfortable outfit and go out to save the world. No one shows how long a superhero takes to put on or strip down to the super suit and take off. Towards the end of the movie the villan always overpowers the superhero and either someone comes for the superhero's rescue or he takes some time off to regain all his super powers. And then there will be a lengthy climax stunt sequence afterwhich the superhero either kills the villan or the villan is sent out of the world or under water depending on whether the director wants him in the next sequel or not. Most of all, all superheros maintain their secret identity in such a way that no one will know that its the same guy who hangs around normal people actually turns into a superhero. The shameless IronMan is exempted from the secret identity rule as he shamelessly called for a press meet and told them that he is IronMan in the very first movie.

The more I thought about these superheros, I started to notice something. All the superheros we have today have a superpower which is uniques to that hero, we don't see a super hero who has all the superpowers combined that we have come across. This might not sound strange but what is actually strange is that the problems that each superhero faces. Each problem that a superhero faces is verymuch within the limits of that particular superhero's super powers. For example:

Spiderman:

• In a spiderman movies / comics all the problems will happen in downtown most of the time, especially around sky scrappers, bridges or places where spiderman can stick his web and keep swinging around.
• Even if the villan has to create trouble for the general public or for sipderman, he will ensure that he is hanging around sky scrappers or bridges.
• You never see a spiderman stunt sequence by the country side or in a farm or in the middle of the ocean.

Superman:

•  In superman movies / comics all problems will occur high up in the skies or under water.
• Same rule applies to the villan as well. if he is creating chaos, he has to do it way up in the sky or under water.
• If Superman had to fly through downtown, he will bang into every other sky scrapper and eventually die.

Phantom:

• All the problems in a Phantom movie or comics has to happen around the forest he lives in most of the time.
• The villans can never posses highly sophisticated weapons to fight the superhero instead they are allowed to use handguns provided they stand at an arms distance from the hero to fight him. Only then Phantom can deliver his signature punch. 

Batman:

• The Villans in a Batman movie / comics have to be tech savy and keep inventing new gadgets that could destroy the world or Gotham city the least, otherwise all the gadgets that batman invents will never be put to use.
• Most of the problems that occur or that is created by the villan in batman movies / comics have to happen in places that the batmobile or any other of batman's gadgets could access.

Robin:

• This guy is the most ridiculous intern any superhero has ever had.
• Even after years of internship he still hangs around with Batman, I can't think of any speciality that this guy has.
• This guy keeps falling for every second woman he sees and everytime batman has to save him.

So Moral of the Story: These superheros are only superheros as long as the villans & the venues where the problems occur remain the same. If you have to simply interchange the villans, these superheros will cease to exist in less than 15 minutes. Superheros aren't really that super....

Calvin & Hobbes

I'm not a great fan / reader of comic books. As a kid I've read a lot of comics, mostly Laurel & Hary, Tinkle & Archie. If there is one cartoon strip that grabbed my attention all together is Calvin & Hobbes. I still wonder how Bill Waterson ever managed to create such a legendary cartoon strip series of all times.

This cartoon strip came out in the mid eighties and went on till about the late ninteys. What is really amazing about Calvin and Hobbes is that even if you read it today it will seem as if it was created / written yesterday. These are cartoon strips that will never get old.

Calvin & Hobbes is witty, humorous, hillarious (well all these pretty much mean the same but this is too good that i chose to use all these words) & addictive. The kind of stuff (depicted) this 6 year old kid comes up with in these cartoon strips some times make you think. Many of these episodes leave you in splits and this can get pretty additive as you read along.

The best part of this series is you don't need to read it from the begenning to be able to follow it. You can pick up any random cartoon strip and you will enjoy it.

You can subscribe for Calvin and Hobbes for free at: http://www.gocomics.com/. They will send you a cartoon strip a day by e-mail.

Here are some of the lines I really enjoyed from the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon strips I've read so far...

(Note: Some of these lines may sound very ordinary but if you know the actual context in which these were spoken they will turn out to be funny.)

A day can slip by if you are deliberately avoiding what you are supposed to do.

When in doubt deny all terms and definitions.

Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.

Its only work if somebody makes you do it.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

The joke is never as funny the second time you hear it.

It doesn't hurt to take precautions.

When your strategy is to run like a squirrel, its hard to come up with a good taunt.

Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.

Genius is never understood in its own time.

Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous.

Exercise is a lot more gratifying if you count what you feel like.

I always forget the purpose of competition is to divide people into winners and losers.

You know how people are. They only recognise greatness when some authority confirms it.

A good compromise leaves everybody mad.

On seeing a milk packet, ''i dont want to take chances with a product that prints the date you might expire.

I thrive on change. I thrive on making other people change.

Calvin: Memories of a six year old.

My life has been a fascinating series of amazing exploits about which i have many profound insights. But frankly, none of it is any of your darn business, so butt out! The End.

Susie: What do you think that cloud looks like?
Calvin: A bunch of suspended water and ice particles, why?
Calvin: Everybody hates a literalist.

I dont think you should have to do something unless you're enthusiastic about it.

I'm a 21st century kid trapped in a 19th century family.

Love the sinner hate the sin.

Geniuses should be given special consideration.

My whole problem is my lips move when i think.

Its a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.

You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.

True happiness comes from a life of virtue. - Hobbes.

It must be depressing to go through life with no purpose.

It doesnt matter if you win or lose. Its how you play the game.

My brain wishes my ego had call waiting.

If you feel like doing some work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away.

Definition of a pronoun - A noun that lost its amateur status.

Teacher: Calvin which state do you live in?
Calvin: Denial!
Teacher: Can't argue with that.

Mom: wake up Calvin, early bird gets its worm.
Calvin: Yuck....

Its tough being the sole guardian of high culture. Talent like ours carries such enormous responsibility.

Its a funny world, but its not a hilarious world unless you like sick humor. The world is probably funnier to people who dont live here.

The more indecisive you are the faster things get decided.

My relatives are people i don't relate to.

Life's a lot more fun when you're not responsible for your actions.

I obey the letter of the law if not the spirit.

Your ego is writing checks your body can't cash

I find my life is a lot easier the lower i keep everyone's expectations.

People pay more attention to you when they think you're up to something.

You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tiger..

My body doesn't believe a word my brain is saying.

Spinning the Web

I am a great fan of Spiderman and I have always felt that there are a lot of powerful dialogues in the Sipderman movies that can actually boost your morale. Here are some of the lines from the Spiderman movies that has in a way inspired me.


These are lines from Peter Parker / Spiderman:

With great power comes great responsibilities. This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm SPIDERMAN.

Sometimes responsibilities do make up most of our life.

Whatever comes our way, even if a battle is raging within us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself

When you do terrible things and want to set things right you start with doing the toughest thing. Forgive yourself.

Here's the truth. There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people

We all have choices and those choices makes us what we are. So we can always make a choice to do the right thing.

Not everyone is meant to make a difference. But for me, the choice to lead an ordinary life is no longer an option.

Sometimes, you know people. You can see whats coming.

The real crime must be not to finish what we started.

No matter what I do. No matter how hard I try. The ones I love will always be the ones who pay.

Sometimes in life we have to give up the things we want the most.


These are lines from the other characters in the movies:

And Lord knows, kids like Henry need a hero. Courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they'll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them how to hold on a second longer. I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams. - Aunt May


I believe there is a hero in all of us that keeps us honest gives us strength, makes us noble and finally allows us to die with pride. - Aunt May


Every dream needs a hero to bring it to life. - Aunt May

You cant live with revenge in your heart. It is like a poison. It can take you over before you know it and turn you into something ugly. - Aunt May

We've all done terrible things to each other, but we have to forgive each other. Or everything we ever were will mean nothing. Mary Jane

There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders. You and me.... We're exceptional. - Green Goblin.


No matter what you do for them, eventually they will hate you. - Green Goblin

Racism?

I don't understand why we make such a big fuss out of this so called racist attack on Indians in Australia. In my opinion we don't seem to follow the age old advice "Be a Roman when in Rome." We make so much noise and such a big fuss when Indians are attacked in Australia while in our very own country kids of other nationalities are raped & killed. Tourists are robbed & killed. Isn't that racial attack? If those countres start questioning us do we have an answer? No. And our Indian buggers also need to learn to behave outside India, which can be one of the reasons why they may land in trouble as well. In my opnion all these attack on Indians fiasco started after our Harbajan Singh took a dig on Andrew Symmonds and the rest of the Australian team during India's tour of Australia and got away without any charges though we all know that he did say something offensive to Andrew Symmonds.

The IPL Teams

When it comes to IPL I support RCB! Quite surprising for a tamil guy say some of my friends. Well this IPL i went for atleast 4 matches in Bangalore with friends wearing the RCB Jersey. I went to the rbk showroom to pick up some RCB jerseys for people in my office and guess what I see? A RCB T-shirt with Saurav Ganguly's name on it!!! I guess some IPL illiterate at rbk would have designed that. Interestingly one of my friends pointed out the striking resemblence between the RCB uniform and the Karnataka flag and at that point it appeared to be an Invisible Obvious.


When customers walk into the rbk store the sales guys were taking them to the IPL jerseys section to show them uniforms of RCB, KKR & CSK. Neither the customers nor the sales guys were interested in the KIXP jerseys. Some of them don't even want to touch those uniforms. Well guess that's what happens if you aren't winning any matches at all after playing for over a month.

I also went into the addidas store to pick up a Mumbai Indians team jersy for one of my team members. Before that I must tell you that rbk sells fan gears for four IPL team at the cost of 399 INR. Now the guy at the addidas store told me that the Mumbai Indians fan gear is going to cost me 1099 INR. When I pointed out that rbk sells fan gear for 399 INR he told me that the Mumbai Indians fan gear will cost 399 INR in Maharastra which is the home for that team and I have to buy a Bangalore team's fan gear outside Karnataka I'll be spending more. Well that's bullshit because I bought a Kolkata Knight Riders Fan gear in Bangalore for 399 INR. I guess rbk is making uniforms for four out of 8 IPL teams and addidas has got only 2 so they are trying to make up for that loss by hiking the price for a comparitively bad quality jersey.

The IPL

The most frustrating part of watching IPL on TV is the stupid advertisements that they keep showing. It looks as if all brands have resolved to make lame, illogical and stupid ads during prime time. Advertisements for Havells, Videocon mobiles, JK Cement, Carbon mobile (especially the one where Shewag says "I'm dashing, I'm carbon."), some mutual fund ad (Malhotra uncle ka beta), etc will only make sure no one will buy those products. Well I've not mentioned hero honda's ads in the list because IPL or no IPL they always make lame and stupid ads. And this continues even in the radio channels. I heard an ad for an electronic retail store in bangalore, they were talking something about a GIPL and it seems that its full form is Girias Premier League?!?!? What the does I stand for in gIpl??? All news channels talk about IPL now, people seem to be more interested in watching Sidhu take some guys trip in a news channel than they are about climate change!

Well taking about climate change, during every IPL match at the time of the toss, they give you a tip on how to save energy! Then they go on to waste so much of energy that the whole world would have saved if they followed that tip! I don't know how Lalit Modi can boast about the fact that IPL is promoting Go Green and not feel shameful about the same. The words and actions are inversly proportional! You can see some ridiculous statements made on how IPL will help with the Go Green concept here http://www.indianexpress.com/news/With-UN-help--IPL-to-go-green/589075/

A Corporate Communication about Corporate Communication

Like most organisations, my organisation also has a Corporate Communication channel, where an e-mail is sent to all employees on a regular basis with updates about the org. Recently we received a mail from Corporate Communications which was about people not getting corporate communication e-mails and who they need to contact in order to have their name added to the distribution list! Of all the channels they decided to go with the option of sending a Corporate Communication e-mail to the ones who don't receive those. What were they thinking???

The Sri Lankan Job

My company recently opened up a delivery center in Sri Lanka and will be setting up some businesses there very soon. They have also published the relocation policy document in case we are interested in moving there. For a while I thought I'll give it a try but then I realised that its not good for me to move to Sri Lanka.

Here are the two reasons why I shouln'd move: First of all I'm a tamilian who signs in tamil and don't want to get into trouble because of that. And second of all, I'm a kind of a guy who likes to promote things like 'Go Green,' 'Save the environment,' 'conserve energy,' etc. If I have to stand there and say 'Save the Tiger' I might get killed you know.

The Signature

I was loaded with lots and lots of work for the last couple of weeks. What was more frustrating was most of these were someone else's work. I was expected to take over at the last minute and turn things around within a few hours, basically perform miracles. I thought it was time to tell people ''I ain't no Moses.''

Then I thought, may be I should get to the root cause and find out why all the work is getting dumped on me. After some deep thinking, i got to the root cause. I always sign off on my e mails as ''Cheers! V.'' So all this while whenever someone said ''we will work on it,'' they actually meant ''V will work on it.'' I've changed my signature ever since!

The Hair Cut

I went to the barber yesterday for a hair cut and I had to pay 25 bucks for the same. I was wondering, I have less hair and why should I pay regular charges. But then I realised that the cost is not just to chop the hair a bit but also to chop it in such a way that it souuld appear as if I've had a haircut and at the same time make it look like I've not lost any hair. I must admit that the barber did a pretty good job and I ain't complaining anymore.

The Plastic Cover

I don't know about other countries, but Indians seem to have an obsession towards plastic covers. Every time they buy something new, most Indians tend to use it with the plastic cover that was wrapped around the product during the packaging. the most common things that are used with the covers on are seats & apolseries in cars, tv or home theatre remotes, music players, home theatre speakers, printers, computer peripherals, etc. In a nutshell Indians always use things that are covered with plastic! However when it comes to birthcontrol, no one seems to follow this principle.

The Cheerleaders

I watched the RCB Vs RR match at the Bangalore Chinnaswamy Stadium last month and I must say I pity the cheerleaders. These ladies have to dance for some local indian songs, they don't understand the meaning of it, by the time they come on to the stage, listen to a couple of lines and get the rhythm, the song is over. And the worst part is they face the audience when they are performing, its like they are there to cheer the audience and not the teams.

If these matches were happening on a ship, the ship would rock. Because everytime the cheer leaders come on to the stage to perform the crowd that was evenly distributed across the stand is displaced somewhere closer to the Cheerleader stand. (see pic below)