The Signature

I was loaded with lots and lots of work for the last couple of weeks. What was more frustrating was most of these were someone else's work. I was expected to take over at the last minute and turn things around within a few hours, basically perform miracles. I thought it was time to tell people ''I ain't no Moses.''

Then I thought, may be I should get to the root cause and find out why all the work is getting dumped on me. After some deep thinking, i got to the root cause. I always sign off on my e mails as ''Cheers! V.'' So all this while whenever someone said ''we will work on it,'' they actually meant ''V will work on it.'' I've changed my signature ever since!

The Hair Cut

I went to the barber yesterday for a hair cut and I had to pay 25 bucks for the same. I was wondering, I have less hair and why should I pay regular charges. But then I realised that the cost is not just to chop the hair a bit but also to chop it in such a way that it souuld appear as if I've had a haircut and at the same time make it look like I've not lost any hair. I must admit that the barber did a pretty good job and I ain't complaining anymore.

The Plastic Cover

I don't know about other countries, but Indians seem to have an obsession towards plastic covers. Every time they buy something new, most Indians tend to use it with the plastic cover that was wrapped around the product during the packaging. the most common things that are used with the covers on are seats & apolseries in cars, tv or home theatre remotes, music players, home theatre speakers, printers, computer peripherals, etc. In a nutshell Indians always use things that are covered with plastic! However when it comes to birthcontrol, no one seems to follow this principle.

The Cheerleaders

I watched the RCB Vs RR match at the Bangalore Chinnaswamy Stadium last month and I must say I pity the cheerleaders. These ladies have to dance for some local indian songs, they don't understand the meaning of it, by the time they come on to the stage, listen to a couple of lines and get the rhythm, the song is over. And the worst part is they face the audience when they are performing, its like they are there to cheer the audience and not the teams.

If these matches were happening on a ship, the ship would rock. Because everytime the cheer leaders come on to the stage to perform the crowd that was evenly distributed across the stand is displaced somewhere closer to the Cheerleader stand. (see pic below)

PJ Time - March

Vimal: Hey macha do you know that there is a woman in Nilgiris who can lay eggs?
Baba: Seriously!?!?!
Amith: Yaa man.
Baba: Which Nilgiris?!?!?!
Vimal: Indiranagar.
Baba: Oh Shit, how did you come to know about it?
Vimal: The other day we were at the store and Russel asked for eggs. So this supervisor called this sales girl and said "oru dozen muttai poduma." And she came with eggs.
Baba: oh.. Shit.. Why did I even open my mouth.

At Indiranagar Nilgiris,
Russel: (to some sales girl) Excuse Me. Do you have barbeque sauce?
Sales Girl: Babu ki saas?!?!?!... Babu ki saas?!?!?!... Babu ki saas?!?!?!... (In hindi it means Babu's mother-in-law).
Vimal: Forget it macha, we'll look for it ourselves....

While driving past the K R Puram Bridge..
Vimal: I wonder why they still haven't cremated this bridge?
Russel: Why?
Vimal: It's a hanging bridge.
Russel: Aah...

While watching some reality show on T.V
Vimal: Let me go and do some work atleast instead of going through this torture. (goes inside and comes back with a screwdriver).
Vimal: Hey Leeni, is there anything in your house that need to be fixed right now?
Leeni: Yes. Your brain.
Amith: Ha ha ha ha....
Vimal: Umm... how can I fix something that does not exist?

Amith: Goli Maar usko. (In hindi goli means bullet and this phrase is the equivalent of shoot them)
Vimal: Why do you want to hit them with pills? (In hindi goli also means pills and maar means hit)
Leeni: If you had to be in Afganistan, Taliban would have given up terrorism long back.

Amith: I generally don't mingle with my relatives much, there was only one cousin with whom I was pretty close.
Vimal: Ok. so who is pretty in this and who is close?
Amith: ?!?!? Well. I'm pretty and he is close.
Vimal: Ok.

A liitle later...
Vimal: I heard this new tamil movie's story is pretty similar to my love life...
Amith: Who is pretty in this and who is similar?
Vimal: Ada Paavi, you are giving my biscut back to me huh?

How to compliment and insult some one at the same time?
Answer# 1:
Boy: Hey you are pretty.
Girl: Thank You.
Boy: Oh no wait I still haven't finished. You are pretty.... annoying.
Answer # 2:
Boy 1: Hey you are kind.
Boy 2: Thank you.
Boy 1: wow wow wait I still haven't finished. You are kind... of useless.

While sitting at a restraunt, Amith's phone rings..
Chai: How do you get that ring tone?
Vimal: You need to get a text message to get that ring tone.
Chai: oh God. I shouldn't have opened my mouth.

Russel: This is fish or what?
Vimal: That's what the waiter said but I highly doubt that.
Meghana: Why?
Vimal: He said fish finger, but fish doesn't have fingers, they have fins.
Meghana: How stupid?
Vimal: Hey ain't I brave?
Chai: Why?
Vimal: I don't know swimming and I'm eating fish.
Meghana: oh God. Enough.

Chai: Hey. your home town is coimbatore right?
Amith: No macha Home Town is in Marathalli (Home Town is also the name of a store in Bangalore).
Meghana: Oh God. These guys are never serious when they speak or what?
Amith: Well if we are serious we'll not be here naa.. we'll be in hospital.
Meghana: Never mind.

Chai is a guy who works long hours and we generally keep pulling his leg saying he spends so much time in office because he opens and closes the gates of our company.
Chai: How come you are spending long hours in office?
Amith: Well I'm inspired by you Chai. I'm following your footsteps.
Chai: But don't get into this habit, It's..
Vimal: You open and close the gates of MphasiS now?
Chai: oh God. Here we go again.

Meghana: I have adopted this new cat and I'm wondering what to name her now?
Vimal: You should hame the cat 'Flash.'
Meghana: Why?
Vimal: Because the other two cats that you already have are pixel and megapixel so I thought Flash would be an appropriate name unless you want to name her gigapixel. (Actually the two cats' names are Pixie and Marushka).
Meghana: Forget it.

Vimal: So you are going to Ooty huh?
Leeni: Yup.
Vimal: What is Ooty famous for??
Leeni: Chocolates?
Vimal: It used to be famous for one thing which is not in Ooty anylonger.
Leeni: What?
Vimal: Me!
Leeni: I thought that was coimbatore???
Vimal: That also....

Vimal: This thing is getting out of control now...
Leeni: So is your age..
VImal: ?!?!?!?!?!
Leeni is still waiting for a comeback statement from VImal on this...

Leeni's colleague: I have some Michel Jackson songs but all of them are in english.

Vimal: Hey. That shop's name is Fit Right Shoes, may be we'll find our size there.
Russel: What was the name again?
Vimal: FIt Right Shoes.
Leeni: So what about the left foot then?
Vimal: ????!!!!

While watching a cricket match @ Chinnaswamy Stadium
Vimal: Do you know Anil Kumble's interview came in today's paper. He says he wants to become a Lokh Sabha Member.
Russel: Is it?!
Vimal (to Leeni): I'm happy that Shashrukh did not become an Umpire.
Leeni: Why?
Vimal: He stretches his arms all the time and people will think he is showing 'wide.'
Russel: He will become macha.
Vimal: Umpire? Hey but Shahrukh has not been through any professional cricket training.
Russel: I'm talking about Anil Kumble becoming a politician.

Russel: Hey Chai, howmuch did you pay for the car?
Chai: 4 Lacs.
Russel: That's a bit high man.
Chai: They actually asked for 420.
Vimal: You are there naa 420. so what was the problem?
Chai pours water on Vimal.

Russel (on the phone): Hey Chai come over.
Chai: Give me 2 minutes.
Vimal: Oh you are making Maggi Noodles huh?
Chai: Shut up.

A little later...
Chai: Let's go with the maximum.
Vimal: Do youi know what maximum means?
Chai: What?
Vimal: Periamma.
Chai: oh God.

Leeni: You don't do any work at office anyways...
Chai: Says who?
Vimal: Ya now the gates at MphasiS are electronically controlled.
Chai: Shut up.
Some Guy (in office): Hey Baba how come your vehicle is parked in our basement for ages? You are not using it or what?
Baba: Month end macha, so no money to buy petrol. That's why I'm using the other vehicle.
Vimal: So what does your other vehicle run on?
Baba: What????
Vimal: What does your other vehicle run on?
Baba: What stupid question macha obviously petrol only.
Vimal: Hey just now you said month end, you don't have money to buy petrol so your using the other vehicle. So how can the other vehicle run on petrol.
Baba:.....
Some Guy: Ha ha ha ha...
Baba: Forget it macha... I need to dial into a meeting now.

No words... just look at'em....

City Bike

Italians? Man that is barbaric

Guess we were the only customers in this dhaba, check out the size of the vessel.

One of the supplementary forms for Indian Passport

Someone drives a Merc to a Hyundai showroom???

Yin & Yang

An export reject pillow cover.

PJ Time - February

Here we are... back with some of the deadly PJs and one liners....

These were a series of Jokes based on one of our Friend's name 'Malcolm.'

Vimal: What will you say when Malcolm has gone to a function?
All: What?
Vimal: Mal Function

Amih: What will you say if Malcolm starts practising Law?
All: What?
Amith: Mal Practise.

Vimal: What will you say if Malcolm has eaten properly?
All: What?
Vimal: Mal Nourished.

Amith: What will you call a nutriion product that Malcom would Invent?
All: What?
Amith: Mal Nutrition.

Malcolm: Enough Man. Shut up.
Vimal:What is malcolm's attire called as?
All: What?
Vimal: Mal ware.

Amith: What is the name of the locality Malcolm lives in?
All: What:
Amit: Mal'area'

Vimal: What wil you say when Malcolm smokes a beedi in a bar?
All: What?
Vimal: 'Mal'abar Beedi

Malcolm: Oh God!
Vimal & Amith: Yes you called me?
Malcolm: oh Shit....

Vimal: What hapens to Carol on December 25th?
Carol: What happens...
Malcolm: I don't know.
Vimal: She becomes Christmas Carol!
Malcolm: Oh Go... Never Mind...

Vimal: What do you say when Malcolm has gone out?
Malcolm: Malgone.
Vimal: See now you are calibrated.
From that day Macolm and Carol call us Vilas and Omith.
Vimal: Hey do you know why they don't have to sell cough syrups in Dubai?
Chai: Why they are considered as drugs or something?
Vimal: No because right on the cover it says shake well before use.
Chai: Shut Up.

Vimal: Russel, drive slow there is a cow in front of you.....
Leeni: That's a bull...
Vimal: Whatever I can't make out if its a bull when its dark.
Amith: Why would you want to make out with a bull?
Vimal: ?!?!?!?!
Leeni: This must go on your blog.

Malcolm: Shahid Kapoor got some award recently do you know for which move he got the award?
Vimal: I think it was for 3 idiots.
Malcolm: What? Shaid Kapoor never acted in that movie.
Vimal: That's exactly why they gave him the award.

Vimal: My computer is crashing too often these days man.
Russel: Why don't you sell your computer..
Amith: May be say 10,000 bucks..
Vimal: No Macha I can't give my computer and 10,000 on top of it for the taker.

Vimal: Hey Rishi, this is your cigarette packet?
Rishi: Yes.
Vimal: Do you know if i smoke this cigerette my birthday will change?
Rishi: What?!?!?!
Vimal: Ya on the cover it says smoking causes cancer, I'm an aquarian now.
Rishi: Aiyoo.....

Leeni was trying out a shoe to go with her dress, she had put on one shoe to just check...
Leeni: Russel, does this look perfet?
Russel: Yes.
Vimal: Actually no. You'll need to put on the other shoe as well.
Leeni: Thanks Vimal. What would we do wthout you around.

While watching Avatar, in the end the hero tells the heroine 'I see You,' which is the equivalent to I love you in aelien language and the heroine reciprocates with, 'I see You."
Amith: That guy is trying to tell I'm seriously injured take me to the ICU and this mad woman is telling 'I See You' women I tell you.

Leeni: Hey Chai, you didn't go to work yesterday and today?
Chai: Ya.
Leeni: The who is opening and cloing the gates at MphasiS?
Chai Expresses irritation.
Vimal: Let's spare him atleast when he is not keeping well. Actually I had to jump off the fence yesterday and today because Chai was on leave.
Chai: ?!?!?!

Jai: Macha I'm so unhappy with my job, I want to put papers.
Vimal: Ya you can but first find out how much they will pay and will you be able to get up early in the morning?
Jai: What?!?!?!
Vimal: You said you want to put paper naa... Its a tough job macha... you have to wake up early in the morning, you'll need to remember which paper to put in which house, etc.
Jai: Forget it, I'll go talk to someone else.

Shushmit: Hey what channel is this you guys are watching?
Russel: Discovery Turbo.
Vmal: It's an amazing channel. 24 hours they only show automobiles, reviews, making of vechiles, remodelling, designing...
Leeni: In short they show vandi repair 24/7.
Vimal: Vandi Repair? Leeni there is so much more than vandi repair that they show in this.
Since then discovery turbo is called as the 'Vandi Repair Channel.'

Russel was waiting in the hosptal for a surgical procedure to be completed.
Doctors: Lets give him a local anesthesia.
Vimal & Amith: What nonsense. He is foreign return why are they not giving him an international anesthesia. Shall we ask the doctors?
Russel: Guys stop embarassing me and wait outside.

Russel: Who is gong to bring the coffee from the cafeteria kitchen?
Vimal: Amith will go.
Leeni: Hey we've ordered 3 cofees how will he get 3 coffees with 2 hands man?
Vimal: oh. Amith do one thing, drink one coffee there only and get the other two. Problemo Solved.
Leeni: Shouldn't have opened my mouth.

Amith: Guys. I finally got my promotion papers. Who is treating me now?
Leeni: Fabian the Psychiatrist
Amith: ?!?!?!

Vimal: The purpose of a Business Improvement Team is to validate your gut feel with numbers.

At a wedding, some random friend
Friend: Hey where do you wash hands?
Vimal: In the hand.
Friend: ?!?!?!

Saravana: I heard two or three people will quit in another two months, why?
Vimal: Bramin Studies
Saravana: Bramin Studies????
Vimal: Matlab Higher Studies. (Higher is generally pronounced as Iyer in south india)

Vimal: When you know you are going for a debrief session, make sure you put on atleast two briefs.