PJ Time

Vimal: Don't give us excuses, give us results.
Leeni: First give us a test naa then we will give you result.
Vimal: I shall have someone get back to you on that one.

Leeni: Oh, I forgot to call.... Shit.
Vimal: You know somebody called Shit!!!

Leeni: (while cooking egg) the yoke of this egg is light yellow in color! How is this possible?
Russel: May be this egg was laid in the shade...

@ Office during Lunch:
Vimal: Hey, have a bite.
Colleague: Thanks. (grabs a huge bite from what was offered).
Vimal: Dude I asked you to have a bite, not a kilo byte or a mega byte.
Colleague: ?!?!?!?

Chai: Guys I'm serious about this.
Amith: Ha, you are not serious. If you were serious you would've been in the hospital.
Chai: Oh God.

Leeni: I have this card but don't know what the pin number is.
Vimal: Give me the card and I will tell you the pin number.
Leeni: No I'm not giving you the card.
Vimal: Please... Please... Please...
Leeni: Ok. Here you go.
Vimal: (Looks on the reverse of the card and reads the CVV Number and says thats the pin number.)
Leeni: How is it the pin number?
Vimal: Its behind the card naa so technically its pin (pin in tamil means behind).
Leeni: ok.

Chai who used to have 2 cats in his house was once found walking a couple of dogs in the apartment premises.
Vimal: Hey Chai, your cats have really grown big man!!!
Chai: IDIOT.

While watching TV in Amith's place,
Vimal: Reduce the volume macha, your parents might wake up.
Amith: Bugger, my parents are not in town. They've gone to Hubli.
Vimal: I know. What I'm trying to say is that you've kept the volume so high that they can hear it in Hubli. That's why I'm saying you should reduce the volume.
Amith: Oh. I'll get back to you on this one.

Vimal: Aston Martin has been there for almost 97 years!!!
Amith: IBM has been around for more than 100 years.
Vimal: Who the hell cares?
Amith: Same here.
Vimal: I'm losing track of the things I'm supposed to get back to you on.

Vimal: Rajini Kanth's next cartoon movie is coming in 3D.
Amith: Really? Sultan?
Vimal: Ya but they've remaned it now.
Amith: To what?
Vimal: I Don't know.
Amith: Quite a funny name for a Rajini Kanth movie, 'I don't know.'
Vimal: ?!?!?!?

Leeni (to Vimal): You should've worn this shirt for the interview. Generally plain shirts are better than striped shirts for interviews.
Amith: I can't afford it.
Leeni: Why?
Amith: Imagine if a plane ticket can cost as much as 5000 bucks how much a plane shirt must cost?
Vimal: Bugger if you buy a shirt that is meant for a plane how the hell will you wear it?
Leeni: Oh God.

In a training session,
Trainer: People have different reasons to come to work. What is the reason you all come to work?
Amith: Money
Trainer: Are you talking about currency? Money?
Amith: No I was talking about this guy called Mani.
Trainer: ?!?!?!?

Trainer: Guys please spend the next two hours preparing for the exam otherwise you will not be able to clear your certification. If you have any doubts you can ask me.
Vimal: Can you tell us where the question papers for test is kept?
Trainer: Ha ha nice try, but guys please be serious. I am very serious when it comes to things like these.
Vimal: Oh. That's fine, so where are the question papers kept?
Trainer: ?!?!?!?

Just Look at'em

Christmas is round the corner and the season is already set in in our friends RusLin's house. Santa was trying to get into their house through the chimney, poor Santa did not know that it was an electric chimney and that it was kept in the balcony.

Interensting....

Whoa!!! Heights of data security.

This is an interensting discovery, I didn't know cows gave coke.

Good One.

Man vs Machine

PJ Time - November

Work has kept me bugged and busy for the past 3 months and hence this series wasn't published for a while. I managed to compile a few funny moments or PJs this time around.

Vimal: What happens to White House when Obama is drunk?
Amith: What happens?
Vimal: It becomes "Tight House."
Amith: He he he...

Vimal to Leeni,
Vimal: Give me that bag, I'll carry.
Amith: You can't carry macha you are a guy.
Vimal: I shall get back to you on this one.

While driving up a hill during sunset,
Leeni: Wow look at the sky, what beautiful colors naa?
Vimal: What is more interesting is when God created the earth during black & white days, he still thought about all these beautiful colors that will come in the future and created it so well....
Leeni: What?!?!?

Russel: We can get up early in the morning tomorrow and come back to this hill to see the sunrise.
Vimal: You don't have to bother youself so much to see sunrise, if you want I can get it to our homestay. Just tell me whether you want to see the 100 grams packet or the 250 grams packet.
Russel: ___
Leeni: He chose to ignore what you said.

Amith, Russel and I were trying to open a wine bottle, the corck was so tight that we were unable to open it. We even tried a Swiss Cork Screw but was of no use, then
Vimal: With Swiss equipments we are unable to open a wine bottle, I wonder how in the olden days people like Jesus would have opened a wine bottle?
Russel: ?!?!?
Amith: ?!?!?

At a restraunt,
Vimal: (calls the waiter) Can I have some water please?
The waiter says yes, walks off and never returns.
Vimal: I'm sure that waiter is a kannadiga.
Russel: Why do you say that?
Vimal: I'm a tamilian, I asked for water and he has still not given me.
Amith: You can take mine if you want.
Vimal: Thank You (and emptys Amith's glass).
Russel: You've proven that you are a Tamilian.
Vimal: How?
Russel: You drank all the water.
Vimal: I shall get back to you on this one.

One of the senior executives in my organisation is a pakka tamilian. Now when I say pakka tamilian I mean people who think in Tamil, translate that into english in their mind and then speak. Generally there is a time lag when these people speak english. So in one of the reviews, this guy was furious about non performance and wanted to know what was going on. We wanted an explanation from us but he was so angry and wanted to say something in tamil but couldn't. I don't know if this dude translated his tamil thoughts in english in a hurry, he just looked at us and said, "DON'T TALK. TELL ME."

My Shot at Photography - The Most Adorable Couple

Here are a few good photographs I clicked of the most adorable couple I'ev ever known....

 

The next two photographs were clicked with some cream / oil stain on the lens (unintentional).

The purpose of the next photograph is not a display of my photography skills but to spread a social message.

How beautiful this photograph would've been if not for the smoke? Stop pollution, say no to crackers.

My Shot at Photography - The Fireworks

My brother bought an SLR last weekend and I'm hoping to borrow it sometime and take some good pictures, until then I will continue to showcase some good pictures (in my assessment) I've clicked on my digicam.

The Coconut Tree!

Hi, I'm Chitti the Robot. Speed 1 terahertz, memory 1 zigabyte.

The most expensive movie made in India till date has finally released and has already broken all box office records. Enthiran! This is the same movie that was originally supposed to start in 1998 with Kamal Hassan playing the lead role, then with vikram in the early 2000 and went on to cast Shah Rukh Khan a couple of years back and finally released with Rajnikanth playing the lead role. I managed to watch the movie a week into its release and like a farewell note sent by an IT/ITES employee, I have mixed feeling.

I heard similar reactions from some of my hard core SSRK fan friends (If you are wondering what SSRK stands for, its Super Star Rajini Kanth). Why will a most awaited and much hyped Rajni Kanth movie not go down well with some of the hardcore fans? Here's why.

- The movie's name is not the same as the lead character's name.
- The movie doesn't start with people praising the lead character before  
   they show him on screen.
- They did not introduce Rajni Kanth's character in slow motion.
- Rajini Kanth does not kiss a snake, break a pumpkin with his head,
   break a coconut or break someone's bone in his first scene.
- Rajinikanth's introduction scene is not followed by an introduction song
   which has some old proverbs as lyrics.
- S.P. Balasubramaniyam did not sing the intro song for Rajini Kanth.
   Mano has not sung any duet or philosophical sond, neither did malyasia vasudevan sing a revenge song.
- Rajini Kanth does not perform stunts that defy all laws of physics, chemistry, botany, zoology or applied
   mathematics. Instead he creates a robot that does these for him. Though the robot looks exactly like Rajini
   Kanth, since they've tried and linked those to logic it wasn't considered acceptable by some fans.
- Nobody calls Rajini Kanth an orphan or a begger 40 minutes into the movie and there was no sad song to
   follow such a sequence.
- Rajni Kanth does not become rich in one song after such a tragedy. (mostly a revenge song)
- Rajini Kanth does not feel shy to talk to the female lead character.
- There aren't 30 men walking behind Rajini Kanth through the movie regardless of where he goes.
- They don't show Rajni Kanth helping people get out of their miseries by throwing money after he became
   rich in a song.

These are most of the things they've been showing in Rajini Kanth movies for the past two decades and there are some fans who are still expecting the same old stuff? Come on. Kudos to Rajini Kanth for getting out of his usual routine and working on a movie like this.

The animatronics work done in this movie stunningly outstanding but everything else is a complete let down. The last 30 minutes of the movie is a complete visual treat and if you are a Rajini Kanth fan then you'll definitely freakout. This is the part where the director has been at his creative best. If there is onething that the movie lacked, its a strong storyline. The storyline is illogical (which is a standard in most indian movies) and outright dumb. This is when you feel the absence of the genius, Writer Sujatha. If not for his sad demise the movie would have definitely re-defined Indian cinema. In short Enthiran is a sci-fi movie made for plople with an IQ of less than 10!

Here are a few dumb parts from the movie.

- Rajini Kanth invents a robot that can be considered the next best invention by mankind after the fire and the wheel. Some scientific comittee that approves all inventions rejects the robot because the robot does not have emotions and can be very harmful to mankind if it continues to operate with just commands from human beings. Rajini Kanth has to now give his robot emotions so he makes the robot sit infront of a white board, writes down different types of emotions and teaches the robot?!?!?! Dude haven't you heard of programming?

- After he teaches emotions to the robot, the robot falls in love with Rajini Kanth's girl friend. This makes Rajini Kanth very angry so he takes an axe and starts chopping its parts while the robot is still pleading not to kill it and that it wants to live!?!?!?!? Dude...... Haven't you heard of reinstalling operating system?

- After Rajini Kanth chops his robot into pieces and dumps it into the garbage, the villan picks it up, re-assembles and adds an extra chip called the 'red chip' because it had a red LED light glowing inside. The red chip makes the robot evil. The robot then starts doing things that its not supposed to and this time its the villan's turn to stop it. Does he re-install the operating system? No he holds a knife to Aishwarya Rai's throat and threatens to kill her if the robot didn't stop doing whatever it was! Wow! Brilliant!
                                     
- In an effort to make the robot understand the human race better, Rajini Kanth lets the robot mingle with people. This is supposed to help the robot prepare itself to fulfill its purpose. The robot is made to apply mehndhi, cook food, clean the room, fight with neighbours who refuse to reduce the volume of their stereo and so on. After a series of such durability tests, Rajini Kanth takes his robot to the Indian Army for a demo! Really!?!?!?

The director of the movie Shankar said in one of his interviews that they've invested so much of money and time and everyone in the cast and crew have put in their heart and soul into this project. So the last thing they wanted is to copy stunt sequences from some hollywood movie. He said that every frame in the movie is so original and will take your breath away! Well dude if you've been thinking that you were the only Indian who's watched 'I, Robot,' there is no greater ass than you.

There is a lot of good work done on the technical side. The cinematography is brilliant. The art direction makes you raise your eyebrows. And like i said before the animatronics work takes the viewer experience to an all new level.

Enthiran is a brilliant movie on the technical aspects and a complete disappointment when it comes to the script.

My Shot at Photography

Here are a collection of some good photographs I've clicked....

The Safari corssing a river. Coorg, Sdeptember 2010.

Kabbe Holidays, Coorg, September 2010

 

The Safari on a trek up the hill. Coorg, September 2010

 

Coorg, September 2010

Coorg, September 2010

Coorg, September 2010

Coorg, September 2010

Coorg, September 2010

Kabbe Holidays, Coorg, April 2007.

Shot from the Maid of the Mist. Niagara Falls, August 2007.

 

Shot from the Maid of the Mist. Niagara Falls, August 2007.

A sit-out in a typical Kerala House. Wayanad, May 2010.

Jack's Beanstalk. Wayanad, May 2010.

Lit Water

That's a spinning coin

A Silhoutte of one of my team mates.

That's a candle

Just look at'em

If your key isn't popular its not gonna work... :-)

Wow, I'm looking for my dream to come possible now....

No I will not wash rest room, do what you want.

For your's evening come??? I'm not following the instructions....

This is the kind of steering wheel this country needs...

Eggs

A short story


“It’s been 45 minutes since this guy went to the shop to get eggs and he’s not returned yet. Even if he had to crawl all the way to the store he should’ve been back by now. Wonder where this guy has gone.” Bharathi was getting anxious; she was expecting some guests for lunch she just had enough time to cook something before they could show up. With most of the cooking done, she was waiting for her son to get back from the store with the eggs. Just when she thought of locking the house and going to the store herself to get some eggs, she heard the door bell ring.

Bharathi just hoped that it wasn’t the guests, she opened the door and there stood her son Vinay, with a plastic bag in one hand and his G I Joe toy in the other.

“Where the hell have you been? What took you so long to just get the eggs from the store? Where have you been loafing around? Every time you go to the store to buy something it’s the same nonsense. I hope at least today you brought the eggs without breaking them.” As Bharathi took the plastic bag from Vinay while she was still venting our her frustration on him there was another shock that awaited.

“Again the eggs are broken, can’t you be careful with the eggs at least once? IDIOT. Being a 12 year old kid if you can’t even do such simple things, I don’t know what kind of a guy you are. Don’t you have any shame? I’m tired of tell you the same thing over and over again.” Vinay however didn’t seem to be bothered much of what his mom was saying but was staring at his other G I Joe toys on the table.

“I should’ve gone to the store myself instead of sending this idiot. This guy is good for nothing” Bharathi stormed into the kitchen as she was shouting at Vinay. Vinay removed his glasses, kept it on the table, sat at a corner and started playing with his G I Joe Toys.

Bharathi managed to cook something by adding some sliced tomatoes and capsicums to the two eggs that were still intact. Before she was done cooking, she heard the door bell again and this time she was certain that the guests have arrived. It was another anxious moment for Bharathi as she opened the door thinking the guests have arrived, but she was greeted by a granny.

“Yes. Can I help you?” asked Bharathi, still wonder who the granny was.
“Is there a small boy in your house? One with specs?” Vinay came over to the door hearing the granny’s voice, he smiled at her as he peeped out of the door. Bharathi was a bit surprised and confused with what was going on.
“Yes. What’s the matter?”

“Well. I stay in the adjacent street. I’d bought my provision from the store and was struggling to carry the bags. This kid walked up to me and offered to carry the bags to my house. So I handed over my bags to this kid and I took his bag and we were walking home. As we got closer to my house I dropped his bag accidentally and the eggs broke. I told him I’ll go back to the store and buy some eggs for him but he said its ok, he needs to get home. When I asked him if his mom will scold him, he said ‘ya she’ll shout at me but it’s ok.’ Before I could check if there were any eggs in my fridge that I could spare the kid left.”

“Oh is it?” Bharathi was listening with patience.
“I felt bad and I was worried that you might scold him so I enquired in the neighborhood and found out your house, thought I’ll at least tell you what happened. It took me some time to get here as I had difficulty climbing the stairs.”
“oh no, that’s ok. Thanks. Please come in.”
“It’s all right; I’ll come some other time. See you kid.” The granny left as Vinay waived her good bye with a smile.

Bharathi closed the door, looked at Vinay and asked, “You couldn’t open your mouth and tell me?” as she stormed back into the kitchen to complete the cooking. Vinay returned back to the corner and continued playing with his G I Joe toys as if nothing happened!

You have been Acronymed!

I recently started a new job with an organisation that is so obssed with Acronyms! so much so the organisation's name is an Acronym by itself, IBM. The downside of getting comfy with such acronyms is that over a period of time people tend to forget what the expansion of these acronyms are. On my first day, during the new hire induction session when the instructor asked what does IBM stand for some character in the class stood up and said with confidence Indian Business Machine!

When you talk to people who have been with this organisation for quite sometime, their sentances will start with acronyms, end with acronyms and acronyms will be sprinked at regular intervals within the sentance. After an entire day of joining formalities, I walked up to the instructor and asked how to go about getting my workstation set up, promptly came a response - "You are going to part of EUS in ITD so you will not be able to request for your TP at MTP, you'll need to go to EGL and contact your people manager for the same." For a minute I thought the instructor was caling out the 26 alphabets in english but got the order totally mixed up. I still had a little hope that the random callout of alphabets had some hidden message in it, so I gathered some courage to ask her for the "english translation of what she just said." After she explained the samething without using any acronyms, I understood that the moral of the story was - my work location is a different office in Bangalore hence I will need to get there and speak to my boss regading the same.

I was really getting lost with these acronyms that was thrown at me day in a day out. One day I was telling one of my colleagues about how lost I was with these acronyms and he told me that everytime I need to know what an acronym stands for I could go to BOT. I asked him "BOT? what is the expansion of BOT?" He said he wasn't sure but if I type an acronym in that application it will provide the expansion of the same.

After spending a week in my new job, I bumped into one of my instructors who conducted the onboarding session when I joined IBM. She asked me how things are going and I said "I'm completely lost here especially with these acronyms that people keep throwing." You won't believe what she told me, she said "I know these TLAs could be very confusing at times." It was at that moment I realised that I was such a good artist, I was 'drawing' blank all these days. I returned to reality in a few seconds to ask her what TLA stood for, but by then she was gone.

I then followed my colleague's advice and opened up BOT and typed TLA, it said TLA stands for Three Letter Acronym. Wow! An acronym for acronyms! I was glad that BOT could make my life simple and I won't be lost anymore. Just then I received a meeting invite for a daily meeting called the DMH call, I was pretty certain what I should do to figure out what the call is all about. I pulled up BOT and typed in DMH and the search result came up with District Mental Hospital! While I was still baffled with what just happened, one of my team members told me DMH stands for Daily metric Huddle.

The other day I was talking to one of my team members to find out if he had complated all the paper work required to hire new people. So I asked him, "Have you rolled out the BBMPs?" He appeared clueless, "Have you rolled out the BBMPs?" I asked him again. Now BBMP stands for Bruhat Bengaluru Mahanagara Palike, its a government agnecy that deals with cerfiying / approving properties in Bangalore. This guy must have wondered why on earth would I ask him about BBMP, he quickly reasied what was going on and he said, "actually the term you are looking for is BBSI."

Now after spending a couple of months I've been acronymed too and I also use some acronyms very frequently such as yw. np. tx. I also use some US Military acronyms such as WTF, FUBAR, SSDD, BOHICA, SNAFU, TGIF, OFIM, etc.

fb

Evolution has changed a lot of things, the species that once considered Food, Clothing and Shelter as its fundamental needs has added more to this list. Some of the recent additions to this list are things like FaceBook and twitter! I’m a regular on FaceBook and keep putting up some stupid or funny stuff as my status messages regularly. Sometimes I try and add a serious message if need be.

Some of my friends appreciate some of the nonsense that put up on my FaceBook profile which got me into thinking why not compile all that and publish as a post here. Updating your status message on facebook has become a necessity these days and people get additcted to the same like crazy. I remember reading this joke somewhere where this kid is shouting for his mom while sitting in the bathroom. The mom goes near the bathroom door and asks him what hepened for which the kid replied, "can you uodate my face book status message saying I've got loose motion?"

Here are a few from my wall that some of you might enjoy….

I just realized that I’m a good artist, I’ve been ‘drawing’ blank too often these days.

_
__ .
. .
. . _ . This was Morse Code for TGIF – Thank God Its Friday.

Here’s my point - .

I realized that life becomes miserable when you are wanting things, so now I’m wanting not to want things.

I hate when people put every small thing that happens in their life as their facebook status message, by the way, a mosquito just bit me.

If you are the kind of person who rubs salt, you better stay away from Brad Pitt

If you don’t end up getting married to your would-be, he or she will become your would’ve been.

Watched salt for 5 minutes and then my mom kicked me out of the kitchen

If you spell details as detals, it means you don’t have ‘I’ for details

Crack Pots are the pots you keep outside your house to cover the cracks on the floor

After a 2 hour long brain storming session, the storm is gone and so is my brain

When will Indians ever realize that if fairness creams really work as the advertisements claim, one shouldn’t be able to differentiate between Indians and Brits.

Looks like 90% of people who drive in Bangalore have learnt driving through correspondence.

Oh no, reality sucks….

Some jerk has set up an alarm in my body clock and now I can’t sleep beyond 7 AM, even on vacations.

Just had Tanglish (meaning tamil + English) break fast… Idli, vada, fried vegetables, bread, butter, jam egg and so on….

Off to Chennai… and I’m not sure of the season there. It has to be either hot, hotter or hottest.

I have always been good at quitting bad habits. First I quit smoking, then I quit drinking and now I’ve quit MphasiS.

After the rain Gods did all fart and no shit for the entire day yesterday, they finally managed to send some heavy rains last night.

Indian batsmen are preparing the west indies for the semi finals by giving them fielding practice… Way to go India…

50% of the weekend gets over in just 24 hours… Damn you Romans…

Vimal has been hit by a car, since it was a 1/48 scale model there hasn’t been any damage to the man or the machine

By the time the judgement is passed, by the time all the activists are done with their ‘anti death sentence’ protests and by the time all interim stay orders are filed and cleared Kasab will die of old age! So let’s skip the cliché and hang him anyways.

Vimal has been diagnosed with Monday blues and requests friends and family to pray for a speedy recovery…

Its time to celebrate the first Sunday after the first full moon followed by the vernal equinox. In short ‘Happy Easter.’

IPL gives you a tip to save energy during the toss and then they go on to waste so much of energy that the whole world would have saved if they followed that tip.

Has just switched to 3G… lightning fast… wait a minute, why is lighting going on a fast now?

Vimal wants to rename the vada as the Indian Donut.

Vimal wonders how come no one’s got the balls to complain about Mumbai Indians having outsiders in the team.

People at work think I can perform miracles all the time, It’s time to tell them “I ain’t no Moses.”

Vimal wonders how archeologists would remember which site they work in if they happen to be in Bangalore as the whole city is dug up all over!

They always say if you eat the last bite or drink the last sip you’ll get a beautiful wife, but no one ever says whose wife you are going to get.

If I’d been a Roman Emperor in any of my previous lives, I would have made sure there are at least 2 Saturdays and Sundays in a week.

Vimal’s advice to all working professionals, ‘When you know you are going for a debrief session, make sure you put on at least two briefs.’

The most desirable things in life are either banned, illegal or married to someone else.

Vimal is planning to buy a couple of floors in the Burj Kalifa.. that’s the only way to spend his annual bonus.

Vimal wished Jesus Christ a very happy birthday and Merry Christmas to the rest of the world and any other alien civilization that may be in existence.

The whole world is waiting to celebrate one man’s birthday… Awesome!

Vimal strongly recommends people to use public transport. By this we can reduce carbon emission and Vimal can get enough parking space.

Vimal read this interesting Chinese proverb somewhere, “ching ming shang shui meing shei hein shei!”

Vimal has decided to go green by eating only non veg from today and letting all the plants to survive… “Jokes apart, please act today to fight climate change so that we don’t have to regret it later.

There is a new networking site for all donkeys… Its called AssBook.

Too many movies releasing and just two days of weekend. There is clearly a social imbalance…

Commonsense is becoming a coincidence these days.

Ever wondered why fairness careams never make anyone fair? When you try to apply the cream to your face, the cream actually gets applied to your palm and not your face. Don’t believe me.. check out your palm and you’ll notice that its fairer than your face.

Vimal has invented a new technique to improve digestion: People should read book while they eat or just after they have finished eating. Because ‘Readers Digest.’

I used to be so hot once upon a time that I burnt myself.

The secret of success is to start from scratch and keep on scratching.

How to succeed in life? After you’ve eaten the fruit, suck the seed instead of throwing it away. That’s how you suckseed.

When the going gets tough, the tough goes for a smoke. – One of my ex-boss came up with this one.