Some of my friends appreciate some of the nonsense that put up on my FaceBook profile which got me into thinking why not compile all that and publish as a post here. Updating your status message on facebook has become a necessity these days and people get additcted to the same like crazy. I remember reading this joke somewhere where this kid is shouting for his mom while sitting in the bathroom. The mom goes near the bathroom door and asks him what hepened for which the kid replied, "can you uodate my face book status message saying I've got loose motion?"
Here are a few from my wall that some of you might enjoy….
I just realized that I’m a good artist, I’ve been ‘drawing’ blank too often these days.
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. . _ . This was Morse Code for TGIF – Thank God Its Friday.
Here’s my point - .
I realized that life becomes miserable when you are wanting things, so now I’m wanting not to want things.
I hate when people put every small thing that happens in their life as their facebook status message, by the way, a mosquito just bit me.
If you are the kind of person who rubs salt, you better stay away from Brad Pitt
If you don’t end up getting married to your would-be, he or she will become your would’ve been.
Watched salt for 5 minutes and then my mom kicked me out of the kitchen
If you spell details as detals, it means you don’t have ‘I’ for details
Crack Pots are the pots you keep outside your house to cover the cracks on the floor
After a 2 hour long brain storming session, the storm is gone and so is my brain
When will Indians ever realize that if fairness creams really work as the advertisements claim, one shouldn’t be able to differentiate between Indians and Brits.
Looks like 90% of people who drive in Bangalore have learnt driving through correspondence.
Oh no, reality sucks….
Some jerk has set up an alarm in my body clock and now I can’t sleep beyond 7 AM, even on vacations.
Just had Tanglish (meaning tamil + English) break fast… Idli, vada, fried vegetables, bread, butter, jam egg and so on….
Off to Chennai… and I’m not sure of the season there. It has to be either hot, hotter or hottest.
I have always been good at quitting bad habits. First I quit smoking, then I quit drinking and now I’ve quit MphasiS.
After the rain Gods did all fart and no shit for the entire day yesterday, they finally managed to send some heavy rains last night.Indian batsmen are preparing the west indies for the semi finals by giving them fielding practice… Way to go India…
50% of the weekend gets over in just 24 hours… Damn you Romans…
Vimal has been hit by a car, since it was a 1/48 scale model there hasn’t been any damage to the man or the machine
By the time the judgement is passed, by the time all the activists are done with their ‘anti death sentence’ protests and by the time all interim stay orders are filed and cleared Kasab will die of old age! So let’s skip the cliché and hang him anyways.
Vimal has been diagnosed with Monday blues and requests friends and family to pray for a speedy recovery…
Its time to celebrate the first Sunday after the first full moon followed by the vernal equinox. In short ‘Happy Easter.’
IPL gives you a tip to save energy during the toss and then they go on to waste so much of energy that the whole world would have saved if they followed that tip.
Has just switched to 3G… lightning fast… wait a minute, why is lighting going on a fast now?
Vimal wants to rename the vada as the Indian Donut.
Vimal wonders how come no one’s got the balls to complain about Mumbai Indians having outsiders in the team.
People at work think I can perform miracles all the time, It’s time to tell them “I ain’t no Moses.”
Vimal wonders how archeologists would remember which site they work in if they happen to be in Bangalore as the whole city is dug up all over!
They always say if you eat the last bite or drink the last sip you’ll get a beautiful wife, but no one ever says whose wife you are going to get.
If I’d been a Roman Emperor in any of my previous lives, I would have made sure there are at least 2 Saturdays and Sundays in a week.
Vimal’s advice to all working professionals, ‘When you know you are going for a debrief session, make sure you put on at least two briefs.’
The most desirable things in life are either banned, illegal or married to someone else.
Vimal is planning to buy a couple of floors in the Burj Kalifa.. that’s the only way to spend his annual bonus.
Vimal wished Jesus Christ a very happy birthday and Merry Christmas to the rest of the world and any other alien civilization that may be in existence.
The whole world is waiting to celebrate one man’s birthday… Awesome!
Vimal strongly recommends people to use public transport. By this we can reduce carbon emission and Vimal can get enough parking space.
Vimal read this interesting Chinese proverb somewhere, “ching ming shang shui meing shei hein shei!”
Vimal has decided to go green by eating only non veg from today and letting all the plants to survive… “Jokes apart, please act today to fight climate change so that we don’t have to regret it later.
There is a new networking site for all donkeys… Its called AssBook.
Too many movies releasing and just two days of weekend. There is clearly a social imbalance…
Commonsense is becoming a coincidence these days.
Ever wondered why fairness careams never make anyone fair? When you try to apply the cream to your face, the cream actually gets applied to your palm and not your face. Don’t believe me.. check out your palm and you’ll notice that its fairer than your face.
Vimal has invented a new technique to improve digestion: People should read book while they eat or just after they have finished eating. Because ‘Readers Digest.’
I used to be so hot once upon a time that I burnt myself.
The secret of success is to start from scratch and keep on scratching.
How to succeed in life? After you’ve eaten the fruit, suck the seed instead of throwing it away. That’s how you suckseed.
When the going gets tough, the tough goes for a smoke. – One of my ex-boss came up with this one.
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