Sitting at home for two weeks with a hairline fracture, I have been watching a lot of TV. Apart from my favourite travel shows, cook shows and comedy shows I did spend a lot of time watching a couple of regional channels – Tamil. While sometimes I am forced to sit through the torture of Ekta Kapoor serials re made in Tamil because my mom is watching it, the rest of the time is kind of a “self induced torturous humour” that I indulge in.
There are a couple of Tamil channels that telecast comedy clips from Tamil movies 24x7 and the funny part is, the programs they telecast all day long are dial in programs. At first, I thought the idea of having a dial in program was ridiculous until I saw the way those shows are hosted and the king of things they discuss. Nevertheless, they do help boost the humour quotient of those programs – mostly the kind of humour that leaves you with the “WTF” expression. Here are some of those instances that left me with the “WTF” expression,
Note: In the conversations below, a lot of words are typed in the way it is pronounced in the Tamilian accent and are not typo errors. Also a lot of sentences will be literal translation of the Tamil phrases hence the grammar will be way off.
Most of the guys who host these shows are self proclaimed mimicry artistes. In between the comedy clips, they keep talking in weird voices with awkward body language and in the end declare that they were imitating a particular celebrity, by this time you would have either forgotten how that celebrity actually speaks or forgotten the celebrity. The standard call opening in all these programs is when the host picks up the phone, he / she will say hello at least three times in differing modulations and decibels before the caller says hello. The moment the caller says hello, the host will say the most repeated sentence of the 21st century “Please reduce you TV Vaalume.” Ah Come on, from the time speaker phones were invented our TV hosts have been telling us to reduce the TV volume when we dial in and we still haven’t learnt!
Post the greeting and the opening script, comes the introduction of the caller. After the caller gives out his name, the next question the host asks is what the caller does. Most of the guys who call in to these programs have a standard answer, “Summa thaan irukkaren (Tamil)” meaning, ‘I’m jobless and I just sit at home the whole day and do nothing,’ to which the host responds “super.” At first I wondered what kind of a response is that, later I saw a host try a different response and realised why most of the hosts respond with just “Super.” Here is the reason why.
Host: What is you Name?
Caller: Kumar.
Host: Kumar, what do you do?
Caller: I’m jobless and I just sit at home the whole day and do nothing.
Host: Ok. What is your ambition in life Kumar?
Caller: My ambition is to remain this way.
Host: …………. “Super.”
Post the greeting and introduction, the host has to ideally end the call and play the comedy clip (none of these programs lets the caller request for their favourite comedy clip). But this routine will be extremely monotonous, hence the makers of the show got creative to make the shows more interactive and fun. They came up with themes for each week and the besides greeting and introduction, the host will ask the caller a question (it’s the same damn question through the week) related to the theme.
One of such themes was “Heroine in a comic role,” the same damn question that the host asked all the callers through the week is “Which heroine you think will do a wonderful job in a Kaamedy role?” Now this question is hypothetical, so is the answer because in Tamil movies the heroine’s job is to walk around and laugh around so that the hero falls for her, then dance with him in the songs and cry and scream when the bad guy takes her away.
Another such common theme I have come across is where the host asks the caller to narrate a funny incident from his life or they ask the caller to narrate a joke or a PJ. The usual response from these jokers who call in is that “There is nothing funny that happened in my life” or “I don’t know any jokes.” The best part was when one of the jokers who called in said “Since this is the first time I have called in, no funny incidents have happened in my life but next time I will tell something.”
The weirdest theme I have ever come across in the last two weeks is this one - the callers are supposed show the host how they laugh! Here is an instance that left me with a WTF
Caller: ok.
Vimal: What the f….
Unable to take it any more I switched to the other Tamil comedy channel and there was this girl hosting the show. The theme for her program was people who are married or in a relationship call in and share any funny incidents that happened in their relationship. In between playing Kaamedy… (Sorry that was the Tamilian in me speaking) comedy clips and talking to callers, this woman thought it would be cool to give the viewers tips on how to impress their love! Here is how the show went.
Host: Hallo viewers, this weeks theme is blah blah blah…… While we wait faar our next kaaler I am going to give some tips for guys to impress girls. Guys can impress any girl by writing creative poems about her, all the guys out there please take out a pen and paper I am going to recite a poem that you can use – “My love, you are an idli, And I am your chutney!...”
And she went on and on with rhyming words from her grocery shopping list shoved into meaningless sentences in the name of poetry. Thankfully she was interrupted by a phone call.
Host: Hallo….. Hallllllo…. Hallllloooooo….
Caller: Ah Hello
Host: Please reduce your TV Vaalume.
Caller: ok.
Host: What is your name sir?
Caller: Ramesh Host:
Ramesh, what do you do?
Caller: I’m jobless and I just sit at home the whole day and do nothing.
Host: Ok Ramesh. Are you married?
Caller: No madam.
Host: Do you have a girlfriend?
Caller: No Madam.
Host: Ramesh, this show is for people who have a girlfriend or married ok. Next time you call us you should have a girlfriend ok?
Caller: Ok Madam.
Host: Ok Ramesh. In future when you have a girlfriend, how will you talk to her in a kaamedy manner? Caller hangs up
Host: Ok kaalers, Ramesh kaaled us and spoke to us superbly, for him and his family members there is a superb kaamedy scene that is coming up after the shaat commercial break, watch and enjaay.
There are some people who have been repeat callers, so much so that the hosts know them pretty well. What is amazing is that when these guys call in they say “Guess who” instead of saying their name and if the host is not able to recognise them or call out a wrong name they get offended!
All said and done, we must give it to these hosts for putting up with all this nonsense from the callers and still able to smile through the shows in spite of doing the same thing over and over again.
Way different from these dial in shows is another interesting program that airs on one of these comedy channels, Its called “Tell me big brother, tell me,” (literal translation of the Tamil name) in this program, the host walks around different cities and asks people questions related on general knowledge such as ‘what is an ATM card?’ or so to test the awareness of people. This show is like a big stage where all the Tamilians come up to embarrass themselves. I’m sure the other regional channels too have such a program, if not we need to start one soon. This will at least stop people from thinking they are superior than the rest of the ethnic groups in India and hence avoid unnecessary conflicts and fights – The idea of we are all equally dumb can have a positive impact for once. Here are some of the questions and funny or ridiculous answers from this show.
Note: If the last word of the sentence ends with the “a” sound, it means that it was a question and if the last word of the sentence ends with a “u” sound, it means that it was a statement.
Host: What is PAN Card?
Participant: The card that you use to take money out of an ATM Machine.
Host: What is IPL?
Participant: Indian Bremier Leaku
Host: Indian Bremier Leakaa?
Participant: Yes
Host: Indian Bremier Leakaa?
Participant: No no. Indian Political Leak.
Host: Who is Bill Gates?
Participant 1: President of America
Participant 2: He has a computer shop in America. Like the shops we have in Ritchie Street in Chennai.
This one takes the cake :-D
Host: What is the other name for India?
Participant 1: Andra Pradesha?
Participant 2: Ramayanam?..... Magabarath. Correct.
Participant 3: Orissa
Host: Where is Pamban Bridge?
Participant: Naarth India.
Host: Naarth India means?
Participant: Bangalore?
Host: Where is Madhya Pradesh?
Participant 1: Pakistan.
Participant 2: Nepal.
And here is a shocking fact – some of the responses shown above are given by people who are teachers by profession!
All said and done, these shows do entertain me one way or the other.
There are a couple of Tamil channels that telecast comedy clips from Tamil movies 24x7 and the funny part is, the programs they telecast all day long are dial in programs. At first, I thought the idea of having a dial in program was ridiculous until I saw the way those shows are hosted and the king of things they discuss. Nevertheless, they do help boost the humour quotient of those programs – mostly the kind of humour that leaves you with the “WTF” expression. Here are some of those instances that left me with the “WTF” expression,
Note: In the conversations below, a lot of words are typed in the way it is pronounced in the Tamilian accent and are not typo errors. Also a lot of sentences will be literal translation of the Tamil phrases hence the grammar will be way off.
Most of the guys who host these shows are self proclaimed mimicry artistes. In between the comedy clips, they keep talking in weird voices with awkward body language and in the end declare that they were imitating a particular celebrity, by this time you would have either forgotten how that celebrity actually speaks or forgotten the celebrity. The standard call opening in all these programs is when the host picks up the phone, he / she will say hello at least three times in differing modulations and decibels before the caller says hello. The moment the caller says hello, the host will say the most repeated sentence of the 21st century “Please reduce you TV Vaalume.” Ah Come on, from the time speaker phones were invented our TV hosts have been telling us to reduce the TV volume when we dial in and we still haven’t learnt!Post the greeting and the opening script, comes the introduction of the caller. After the caller gives out his name, the next question the host asks is what the caller does. Most of the guys who call in to these programs have a standard answer, “Summa thaan irukkaren (Tamil)” meaning, ‘I’m jobless and I just sit at home the whole day and do nothing,’ to which the host responds “super.” At first I wondered what kind of a response is that, later I saw a host try a different response and realised why most of the hosts respond with just “Super.” Here is the reason why.
Host: What is you Name?
Caller: Kumar.
Host: Kumar, what do you do?
Caller: I’m jobless and I just sit at home the whole day and do nothing.
Host: Ok. What is your ambition in life Kumar?
Caller: My ambition is to remain this way.
Host: …………. “Super.”
Post the greeting and introduction, the host has to ideally end the call and play the comedy clip (none of these programs lets the caller request for their favourite comedy clip). But this routine will be extremely monotonous, hence the makers of the show got creative to make the shows more interactive and fun. They came up with themes for each week and the besides greeting and introduction, the host will ask the caller a question (it’s the same damn question through the week) related to the theme.
One of such themes was “Heroine in a comic role,” the same damn question that the host asked all the callers through the week is “Which heroine you think will do a wonderful job in a Kaamedy role?” Now this question is hypothetical, so is the answer because in Tamil movies the heroine’s job is to walk around and laugh around so that the hero falls for her, then dance with him in the songs and cry and scream when the bad guy takes her away.
Another such common theme I have come across is where the host asks the caller to narrate a funny incident from his life or they ask the caller to narrate a joke or a PJ. The usual response from these jokers who call in is that “There is nothing funny that happened in my life” or “I don’t know any jokes.” The best part was when one of the jokers who called in said “Since this is the first time I have called in, no funny incidents have happened in my life but next time I will tell something.”
The weirdest theme I have ever come across in the last two weeks is this one - the callers are supposed show the host how they laugh! Here is an instance that left me with a WTF
Host: Hallo….. Hallllllo…. Hallllloooooo….
Caller: Ah Hello
Host: Please reduce your TV Vaalume.
Caller: ok.
Host: What is your name sir?
Caller: Suresh
Host: Suresh, what do you do?
Caller: I’m jobless and I just sit at home the whole day and do nothing.
Host: Super. Suresh, do you know today’s theme?
Caller: Hello?
Host: Suresh, please reduce your TV Vaalume.
Caller: Done sir.
Host: Ok Suresh, today’s theme is that you have to show us how you laugh and show lets see.
Caller: No… It’s ok.
Host: No Suresh, you have to show us. Laugh and show.
Caller: HA! (in the least expressive way)
Host: Wow that was a beautiful laugh. Thank you so much for laughing so beautifully. Here is a kaamedy scene coming up faar you and your family. Vimal: What the f….
Unable to take it any more I switched to the other Tamil comedy channel and there was this girl hosting the show. The theme for her program was people who are married or in a relationship call in and share any funny incidents that happened in their relationship. In between playing Kaamedy… (Sorry that was the Tamilian in me speaking) comedy clips and talking to callers, this woman thought it would be cool to give the viewers tips on how to impress their love! Here is how the show went.
Host: Hallo viewers, this weeks theme is blah blah blah…… While we wait faar our next kaaler I am going to give some tips for guys to impress girls. Guys can impress any girl by writing creative poems about her, all the guys out there please take out a pen and paper I am going to recite a poem that you can use – “My love, you are an idli, And I am your chutney!...”
And she went on and on with rhyming words from her grocery shopping list shoved into meaningless sentences in the name of poetry. Thankfully she was interrupted by a phone call.
Host: Hallo….. Hallllllo…. Hallllloooooo….
Caller: Ah Hello
Host: Please reduce your TV Vaalume.
Caller: ok.
Host: What is your name sir?
Caller: Ramesh Host:
Ramesh, what do you do?
Caller: I’m jobless and I just sit at home the whole day and do nothing.
Host: Ok Ramesh. Are you married?
Caller: No madam.
Host: Do you have a girlfriend?
Caller: No Madam.
Host: Ramesh, this show is for people who have a girlfriend or married ok. Next time you call us you should have a girlfriend ok?
Caller: Ok Madam.
Host: Ok Ramesh. In future when you have a girlfriend, how will you talk to her in a kaamedy manner? Caller hangs up
Host: Ok kaalers, Ramesh kaaled us and spoke to us superbly, for him and his family members there is a superb kaamedy scene that is coming up after the shaat commercial break, watch and enjaay.
There are some people who have been repeat callers, so much so that the hosts know them pretty well. What is amazing is that when these guys call in they say “Guess who” instead of saying their name and if the host is not able to recognise them or call out a wrong name they get offended!
All said and done, we must give it to these hosts for putting up with all this nonsense from the callers and still able to smile through the shows in spite of doing the same thing over and over again.
Way different from these dial in shows is another interesting program that airs on one of these comedy channels, Its called “Tell me big brother, tell me,” (literal translation of the Tamil name) in this program, the host walks around different cities and asks people questions related on general knowledge such as ‘what is an ATM card?’ or so to test the awareness of people. This show is like a big stage where all the Tamilians come up to embarrass themselves. I’m sure the other regional channels too have such a program, if not we need to start one soon. This will at least stop people from thinking they are superior than the rest of the ethnic groups in India and hence avoid unnecessary conflicts and fights – The idea of we are all equally dumb can have a positive impact for once. Here are some of the questions and funny or ridiculous answers from this show.Note: If the last word of the sentence ends with the “a” sound, it means that it was a question and if the last word of the sentence ends with a “u” sound, it means that it was a statement.
Host: What is PAN Card?
Participant: The card that you use to take money out of an ATM Machine.
Host: What is IPL?
Participant: Indian Bremier Leaku
Host: Indian Bremier Leakaa?
Participant: Yes
Host: Indian Bremier Leakaa?
Participant: No no. Indian Political Leak.
Host: Who is Bill Gates?
Participant 1: President of America
Participant 2: He has a computer shop in America. Like the shops we have in Ritchie Street in Chennai.
This one takes the cake :-D
Host: What is the other name for India?
Participant 1: Andra Pradesha?
Participant 2: Ramayanam?..... Magabarath. Correct.
Participant 3: Orissa
Host: Where is Pamban Bridge?
Participant: Naarth India.
Host: Naarth India means?
Participant: Bangalore?
Host: Where is Madhya Pradesh?
Participant 1: Pakistan.
Participant 2: Nepal.
And here is a shocking fact – some of the responses shown above are given by people who are teachers by profession!
All said and done, these shows do entertain me one way or the other.
(Note: Images in this article are randomly picked from the world wide web.)
