Addiction, something that mankind has been blessed with and cursed with. There is one such addiction that has swept the world over in recent times. Why am I so concerned? Well, I’m a victim of this addiction. No no no no don’t get me wrong, I’m a victim because of other’s addiction.
My Name is James; I am a social outcast as I’m one of those few people who haven't given into this addiction yet. The dirty stares people give me and the ridiculous questions people ask me when they hear I’m not part of this was such a torture. One fine day an array of things happened that pushed me to the corner, let me tell you what happend that day.
It was a national holiday, my dad was at home. I was just about to leave when he came over to talk to me,
“Son. Is everything all right?”
“Yes Dad, why do you ask?”
“Well your mom and I have been talking to you about this for more than 2 years now and we are really getting worried. Your mom and I feel that there is something wrong with you. In spite of all the conversations we’ve had in the past things haven’t improved."
“Like what?!”
“Like What?! Son, we have a computer and an internet connection at home for more than 5 years now and you still don’t have a Facebook profile. We have spoken….”
“Dad, no not again.”
“Son, you mom and I have been extremely patient all this while. We thought you’ll change with time but you haven’t. We can’t let you go on like this, I need to know today. Are you going to create a Facebook profile for yourself or not?
“No Dad.”
“Son. Are you on drugs?”
“NO. aaah, don’t be ridiculous.” just then my mom came over to the living room.
“Mom, no it would be better if you didn’t join this discussion.”
“Son, I’m sorry if your dad has been a bit stubborn on you but all this is because we are worried about you, we care for you. We can tolerate if you are on drugs or if you are in and out of the police station but not having a Facebook profile is something that is worrying us. Just imagine the kind of things people say to us when we go for weddings and other gatherings. People even say that there is something wrong in our upbringing that’s why you are like this.”
“Like what, why don’t you both give me a brea….”
“Son, Uncle Sam, one of your dad’s close friends is a Psychiatrist and he is willing to counsel you. Since today is a holiday, why don’t you go over and meet him. May be he can help you.”
“I can’t take this anymore. I’m going out, I won’t be back until late in the night. Good Bye.”
“Son, wait.”
Both mom and dad were upset with my behaviour and I won’t be surprised if they use a tranquiliser the next time around and take me to Uncle Sam for counselling. My brother says, every time this has happened, my dad gets into mafia wars and my mom destroys her farm and then scribbles on some wall. I have no idea what that is.
I was on my way to meet Bob who lost his father recently. I couldn’t make it to the funeral so wanted to go meet him and spend some time with him. A few other friends had also planned to join. The roads were empty; it didn’t take me more than 15 minutes to get to his house, I was the first one to get there. Bob greeted me with a smile, we sat down in his balcony, Bob’s wife served tea.
“I’m so sorry for your loss Bob, your father was a great man. Must have been difficult for you as you didn’t even get to speak to him before all this happened.”
“Ya. My regret is that he was unable to update his Facebook status message before he died. He always wanted to update his Facebook status message when he was just about to die.” Well, I didn’t know what to say, I was drawing blank and Bob started crying. Thankfully his wife came over to console him. Not keen on dwelling on the Facebook topic, I though I’ll change the topic.
"Hey what happened to Raj, is he coming over today?”
“Don’t talk about that heartless maniac.”
“Why what’s wrong? You both were best pals once, what happened?”
“The day my father died, I updated my Facebook status message saying ‘my father has kicked the bucket.’ And this scoundrel clicks on like! Can you imagine that? I mean how heartless can one get.”
“______________”
“Boo-hoo…….”
This time around even his wife started crying with him, I was just hoping that someone comes to my rescue and there came Raghu. He sat besides Bob, spoke a few words to console him and things kind of came back to normal. Raghu was with a woman, I thought it was his girlfriend until he introduced her to me.
“Hey James, meet my wife Divya.”
“Wife?! You got Married! Well, congratulations. When did this happen?”
“About 6 months ago.”
“Oh that’s great. I didn’t know about this, how come you didn’t call me?”
“Well dude, I’d put it up on Facebook at least 3 months before the wedding. We even showed the wedding video live on Facebook for people who couldn’t make it to the wedding to watch. You still don’t have a Facebook profile do you?”
I nodded my head implying ‘No’ and Raghu nodded his head implying ‘I don’t believe this.’ Then he continued,
“By the way, Sharma was asking about you.”
“oh is it? When did you meet him?”
“I meet him regularly, he keeps visiting my farm house.”
“You… You bought a farm house! That’s good news man. Where is this farmhouse of yours?
“Its in Facebook, its called Farmville.”
“Hmm… so Sharma was asking about me is it? How is he, he got married a while ago right?”
“Dude that’s old news, the latest is he is separated from his wife and they are filing for divorce.”
“Aw that’s terrible what happened?”
“Well things were going on good between him and his wife, then one fine day he opened a Facebook account..”
“Oh no, give me a break.”
“Listen to the full story, he opens a Facebook account, his wife sends him a friend request and he didn’t accept her friend request for almost 3 weeks. The best part is he accepted some other girl’s friend request the day before he accepted his wife’s friend request. That’s when things started going wrong.”
“And they are filing divorce based on this?!?! This case is not going to hold water.”
“Actually Facebook can be considered as an electronic form of communication like e-mail hence the same can be used as a witness in the court.”
“That’s bullshit man. There’s nothing like that, if that was true it would have come in the news.”
“Well I checked it out on the Supreme Court’s Facebook page. From then on I make sure I click like every time my wife posts something on Facebook and I accept all my wife’s relatives friend requests immediately.”
I had already started wondering ‘what have I got myself into’ and that’s when Ashik appeared. Thought that this guy could save me from these maniacs but that feeling was shortlived. I waited for Ashik to speak to Bob and join us
"Hey Ashik, how are you? Heard you are going to become a father?"
"Yes man."
"Congrads, so how are you preparing yourself for the new phase of life?"
"Well yesterday my wife and I finalised the first status message that will go on our kid's facebook profile!"
"hmm... _______. How about the name for the kid?"
"Well that we fixed long back. if its a boy he'll be named..."
"Aryan?"
"Yes! And if its a girl she'll be named..."
"Aishwarya?"
"Yes! How did you guess it?"
"Well I'm a rocket scientist."
"What?!"
"Naa... Never mind."
As Raghu came over to join our conversation I know this could get lethal, and it did.
"Hey Ashik, what's wrong with you man. I poked you like a week ago and you still haven't poked me back?"
"Hey sorry dude I totally forgot. I owe you one for this. I'll poke you as soon as I get back home."
I was slowly realising that the light at the end of the tunnel was just an approaching train and that's when my phone rang. It was a call from a private number.
"Hello."
"Good Morning Sir. We are calling from Powerfullwords.com, can I talk to you for 2 minutes?"
"Yes."
"Sir we have an exciting offer for you, if you subscribe for our services for just 599 rupees, we will send you exciting lines that you can use as your facebook status messages..."
"oh God, enoough!!!! I give up!!!! thank you."
I just couldn't take this anymore so I took leave from Bob and rest of the friends. I made up my mind to give in to this addiction, so I'm now heading home to open my own facebook account. Wish me luck friends.
