Stupid Advertisements

I'm not sure if its mandated by the IPL Governing Council that all companies that advertise during the IPL matches should only make stupid advertisements, because each ad that was shown during prime time has been worse than the other. If there is one reason why I won't buy these products that will be because of their advertisements.

What do these ad film makers think? that they can boost sales with those crappy advertisements? I wish those companies that are paying a bomb to get these advertisements switch to better ad agencies and make sensible ads. This will not only help drive sales but also keep the brand image intact.

I have classified such ads into two broad categories, stupid ads and lame ads. Well some of them fall under both the categories and we can't help that. Here are some that i can recall.... (majority of them are ads for mobile phones made in India).


MAXX Mobiles: (Stupid Ad)
The series of ads featuring M S Dhoni where he say what features were there in his maxx mobile and that his phone has been stolen. I wonder if this ad was made by maxx mobile or one of its competitors, because what i interpret from this ad is that if you buy a maxx mobile it will be stolen for sure so either steal a maxx mobile from someone or don't buy one at all.

Couple of years back smasung used to advertise a special feature in its mobiles phones where if a handset is stolen the owner will be able to trace where the instrument is and potentially even catch the thief. Two years later maxx mobile advertises that their instrument is stolen and there is no way you can trace it!!!!

If you wish to watch this ad please go to:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=maxx+mobile+dhoni&aq=f


Spice Mobile: (Stupid Ad)

There is this ad where they show a dude watching Jodha Akbar in his mobile and his friend comes with another memory card. This dude removed his memory card from the phone and the next thing we see is all the Jodha Akbar characters including the elephant leaving his house. Then they fade out and show the Spice Intelligent Querty Phone with dual memory card slot?!?!?!? Will it not make sense to make a phone with one memory card slot that can handle more memory space in the form of extendable memory.

Buying one memory card with a bigger storage space is much more economical that buying multiple memory cards whose storage space adds up to the bigger memory card. Kudos to their R & D team, you guys should be in the museum.

If you wish to watch this ad please go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fga_pu2DE8s


Carbon Mobiles: (Stupid & Lame Ad)
All the ads featuring Virendra Sewag and Gautam Ghambir for carbon mobiles are stupid and lame. There is this solo ad of Sewag where he tries to flip a mobile phone in his hand and moves his arms and head like a woman. Then he says, "I'm dashing. I'm carbon" in the worst english accent you can ever imagine. That ad was so lame that it went off the air in a day or two after its first telecast. I think even Sewag's kids and family members would've laughed their guts out watching that ad. I'll not be even surprised if Sewag himself requested carbon mobiles to remove that ad as he was losing credibility everywhere.

There is another similar ad with Ghambir where he does the same actions as that of Sewag slightly better though and says, "I'm solid. I'm carbon."

The third ad features both Sewag and Ghambir fighting to attend a call from some vidhya because both their sim cards are in the same phone (dual sim option!) and then later when the coach calls they ask eachother to answer the phone. Both these guys act as if they are gay in this ad.

If you wish to see these ads, please search on the internet and let me know when you find them. Unfortunately I'm unable to find these ads in youtube.


Micromax Mobiles: (Stupid Ad)
The advertisement is kind of ok but its their tagline that makes you wonder what the hell are they trying to say. It says "Nothing like anything." Why on earth will any sane human being buy a phone that is nothing like anything at all??? Also the ones where Akshay Kumar laughs like a lunatic, what was he thinking?


JK Cement: (Stupid Ad)
This is an ad I still wonder what the hell are they trying to say. They show this horrible looking chick (due to  excessive make up) walk out of the ocean wearing a red swimsuit (similar to the one Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra wore in Baywatch). Then the next think you see on the screen is JK cement. Short and stupid!

If you wish to watch this ad please go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2cqlw3pwFw


Clinic All Clear: (Lame Ad)
This is the ad featuring either Bipasha or Asin where they show a big auditorium full of audience. Then Bipasha or Asin call upon a couple of girls, flash light on their heads and show the audience a magnified image of the same. The girl that scores a zero is considered the winner of the contest and zero mean zero dandruff! And the woman who scored a zero says, "YES I knew it!" How lame can you get?

If you wish to watch this ad please go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9yNpE2fwN4


Hero Honda: (Lame & Stupid Ads)
Now here is one company that has a reputation for making the most stupid and lame advertisements of all times. Every single ad made by hero honda is horrible, just search for hero honda on you tube watch any ad you feel like you'll know what I mean.

Here is my message for hero honda, if you really want to know how make good and classy advertisements for two wheelers, watch the commercials of Bajaj. Even now we all remember the hamara bajaj song, hodibaba and the Pulser ad that had dramatised stunts performed by stunt artists was the just out of the world. Show what is possible in your two wheelers don't show all the impossible stuff and expect people to believe in your product.


Gariner Fairness Skin: (Stupid Ad)
This is the ad featuring actress Genelia, she starts off with says why do people speak so much about fairness creams, what's going to happen by talking so much and then ad goes on for 30 seconds where she and a voice over keeps talking non stop. What the hell are they trying to say???

If you wish to watch this ad please go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoDnhSxnFhQ

The IPL Thievs

We'd bought some tickets for a couple of IPL league matches. when we went for the first match at bangalore chinnaswamy stadium, there were RCB flags kept on each chair. After the match we took those flags with us as we wanted to put it up in our houses, bring it back for the next match, etc. Last weekend we went for the match again and carried those flags with us to cheer for RCB.

We even bought some stuff outside the stadium that we can use to cheer once we're at the stand. When we were just about to get in the guards at the gate told us to remove the stick off the flag and throw it away before we get in. When we asked them for the reason, we were told that its a security measure to prevent people from throwing those stuff into the ground or at the players.

Though it sounded insane, with the best interest of getting in we threw the sticks away and got in. We also had to throw all the other stuff we just bought outside the stadium.

Well we were totally outraged when we got in, just after we entered the gate we saw this small stall on the right side called the 'IPL Store' (they said it is a reebock store) where you can buy the same stick that they asked you to throw away just before you got in at FIFTY BUCKS per stick!!! Not just that even the other stuff that we were asked to throw away were sold at an insane price. And the best part is if you don't produce the bill for items bought at the IPL Store before you enter the gallery, you will not be allowed to take them in.

Looks like every one is trying to make big money riding the IPL wave and in the bargain you get pushed to the limits.

This was that damn store I was talking to you about.

Calvin & Hobbes

I'm not a great fan / reader of comic books. As a kid I've read a lot of comics, mostly Laurel & Hary, Tinkle & Archie. If there is one cartoon strip that grabbed my attention all together is Calvin & Hobbes. I still wonder how Bill Waterson ever managed to create such a legendary cartoon strip series of all times.

This cartoon strip came out in the mid eighties and went on till about the late ninteys. What is really amazing about Calvin and Hobbes is that even if you read it today it will seem as if it was created / written yesterday. These are cartoon strips that will never get old.

Calvin & Hobbes is witty, humorous, hillarious (well all these pretty much mean the same but this is too good that i chose to use all these words) & addictive. The kind of stuff (depicted) this 6 year old kid comes up with in these cartoon strips some times make you think. Many of these episodes leave you in splits and this can get pretty additive as you read along.

The best part of this series is you don't need to read it from the begenning to be able to follow it. You can pick up any random cartoon strip and you will enjoy it.

You can subscribe for Calvin and Hobbes for free at: http://www.gocomics.com/. They will send you a cartoon strip a day by e-mail.

Here are some of the lines I really enjoyed from the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon strips I've read so far...

(Note: Some of these lines may sound very ordinary but if you know the actual context in which these were spoken they will turn out to be funny.)

A day can slip by if you are deliberately avoiding what you are supposed to do.

When in doubt deny all terms and definitions.

Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.

Its only work if somebody makes you do it.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

The joke is never as funny the second time you hear it.

It doesn't hurt to take precautions.

When your strategy is to run like a squirrel, its hard to come up with a good taunt.

Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.

Genius is never understood in its own time.

Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous.

Exercise is a lot more gratifying if you count what you feel like.

I always forget the purpose of competition is to divide people into winners and losers.

You know how people are. They only recognise greatness when some authority confirms it.

A good compromise leaves everybody mad.

On seeing a milk packet, ''i dont want to take chances with a product that prints the date you might expire.

I thrive on change. I thrive on making other people change.

Calvin: Memories of a six year old.

My life has been a fascinating series of amazing exploits about which i have many profound insights. But frankly, none of it is any of your darn business, so butt out! The End.

Susie: What do you think that cloud looks like?
Calvin: A bunch of suspended water and ice particles, why?
Calvin: Everybody hates a literalist.

I dont think you should have to do something unless you're enthusiastic about it.

I'm a 21st century kid trapped in a 19th century family.

Love the sinner hate the sin.

Geniuses should be given special consideration.

My whole problem is my lips move when i think.

Its a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.

You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.

True happiness comes from a life of virtue. - Hobbes.

It must be depressing to go through life with no purpose.

It doesnt matter if you win or lose. Its how you play the game.

My brain wishes my ego had call waiting.

If you feel like doing some work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away.

Definition of a pronoun - A noun that lost its amateur status.

Teacher: Calvin which state do you live in?
Calvin: Denial!
Teacher: Can't argue with that.

Mom: wake up Calvin, early bird gets its worm.
Calvin: Yuck....

Its tough being the sole guardian of high culture. Talent like ours carries such enormous responsibility.

Its a funny world, but its not a hilarious world unless you like sick humor. The world is probably funnier to people who dont live here.

The more indecisive you are the faster things get decided.

My relatives are people i don't relate to.

Life's a lot more fun when you're not responsible for your actions.

I obey the letter of the law if not the spirit.

Your ego is writing checks your body can't cash

I find my life is a lot easier the lower i keep everyone's expectations.

People pay more attention to you when they think you're up to something.

You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tiger..

My body doesn't believe a word my brain is saying.

Spinning the Web

I am a great fan of Spiderman and I have always felt that there are a lot of powerful dialogues in the Sipderman movies that can actually boost your morale. Here are some of the lines from the Spiderman movies that has in a way inspired me.


These are lines from Peter Parker / Spiderman:

With great power comes great responsibilities. This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm SPIDERMAN.

Sometimes responsibilities do make up most of our life.

Whatever comes our way, even if a battle is raging within us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself

When you do terrible things and want to set things right you start with doing the toughest thing. Forgive yourself.

Here's the truth. There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people

We all have choices and those choices makes us what we are. So we can always make a choice to do the right thing.

Not everyone is meant to make a difference. But for me, the choice to lead an ordinary life is no longer an option.

Sometimes, you know people. You can see whats coming.

The real crime must be not to finish what we started.

No matter what I do. No matter how hard I try. The ones I love will always be the ones who pay.

Sometimes in life we have to give up the things we want the most.


These are lines from the other characters in the movies:

And Lord knows, kids like Henry need a hero. Courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they'll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them how to hold on a second longer. I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams. - Aunt May


I believe there is a hero in all of us that keeps us honest gives us strength, makes us noble and finally allows us to die with pride. - Aunt May


Every dream needs a hero to bring it to life. - Aunt May

You cant live with revenge in your heart. It is like a poison. It can take you over before you know it and turn you into something ugly. - Aunt May

We've all done terrible things to each other, but we have to forgive each other. Or everything we ever were will mean nothing. Mary Jane

There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders. You and me.... We're exceptional. - Green Goblin.


No matter what you do for them, eventually they will hate you. - Green Goblin

Racism?

I don't understand why we make such a big fuss out of this so called racist attack on Indians in Australia. In my opinion we don't seem to follow the age old advice "Be a Roman when in Rome." We make so much noise and such a big fuss when Indians are attacked in Australia while in our very own country kids of other nationalities are raped & killed. Tourists are robbed & killed. Isn't that racial attack? If those countres start questioning us do we have an answer? No. And our Indian buggers also need to learn to behave outside India, which can be one of the reasons why they may land in trouble as well. In my opnion all these attack on Indians fiasco started after our Harbajan Singh took a dig on Andrew Symmonds and the rest of the Australian team during India's tour of Australia and got away without any charges though we all know that he did say something offensive to Andrew Symmonds.

The IPL Teams

When it comes to IPL I support RCB! Quite surprising for a tamil guy say some of my friends. Well this IPL i went for atleast 4 matches in Bangalore with friends wearing the RCB Jersey. I went to the rbk showroom to pick up some RCB jerseys for people in my office and guess what I see? A RCB T-shirt with Saurav Ganguly's name on it!!! I guess some IPL illiterate at rbk would have designed that. Interestingly one of my friends pointed out the striking resemblence between the RCB uniform and the Karnataka flag and at that point it appeared to be an Invisible Obvious.


When customers walk into the rbk store the sales guys were taking them to the IPL jerseys section to show them uniforms of RCB, KKR & CSK. Neither the customers nor the sales guys were interested in the KIXP jerseys. Some of them don't even want to touch those uniforms. Well guess that's what happens if you aren't winning any matches at all after playing for over a month.

I also went into the addidas store to pick up a Mumbai Indians team jersy for one of my team members. Before that I must tell you that rbk sells fan gears for four IPL team at the cost of 399 INR. Now the guy at the addidas store told me that the Mumbai Indians fan gear is going to cost me 1099 INR. When I pointed out that rbk sells fan gear for 399 INR he told me that the Mumbai Indians fan gear will cost 399 INR in Maharastra which is the home for that team and I have to buy a Bangalore team's fan gear outside Karnataka I'll be spending more. Well that's bullshit because I bought a Kolkata Knight Riders Fan gear in Bangalore for 399 INR. I guess rbk is making uniforms for four out of 8 IPL teams and addidas has got only 2 so they are trying to make up for that loss by hiking the price for a comparitively bad quality jersey.

The IPL

The most frustrating part of watching IPL on TV is the stupid advertisements that they keep showing. It looks as if all brands have resolved to make lame, illogical and stupid ads during prime time. Advertisements for Havells, Videocon mobiles, JK Cement, Carbon mobile (especially the one where Shewag says "I'm dashing, I'm carbon."), some mutual fund ad (Malhotra uncle ka beta), etc will only make sure no one will buy those products. Well I've not mentioned hero honda's ads in the list because IPL or no IPL they always make lame and stupid ads. And this continues even in the radio channels. I heard an ad for an electronic retail store in bangalore, they were talking something about a GIPL and it seems that its full form is Girias Premier League?!?!? What the does I stand for in gIpl??? All news channels talk about IPL now, people seem to be more interested in watching Sidhu take some guys trip in a news channel than they are about climate change!

Well taking about climate change, during every IPL match at the time of the toss, they give you a tip on how to save energy! Then they go on to waste so much of energy that the whole world would have saved if they followed that tip! I don't know how Lalit Modi can boast about the fact that IPL is promoting Go Green and not feel shameful about the same. The words and actions are inversly proportional! You can see some ridiculous statements made on how IPL will help with the Go Green concept here http://www.indianexpress.com/news/With-UN-help--IPL-to-go-green/589075/

A Corporate Communication about Corporate Communication

Like most organisations, my organisation also has a Corporate Communication channel, where an e-mail is sent to all employees on a regular basis with updates about the org. Recently we received a mail from Corporate Communications which was about people not getting corporate communication e-mails and who they need to contact in order to have their name added to the distribution list! Of all the channels they decided to go with the option of sending a Corporate Communication e-mail to the ones who don't receive those. What were they thinking???

The Sri Lankan Job

My company recently opened up a delivery center in Sri Lanka and will be setting up some businesses there very soon. They have also published the relocation policy document in case we are interested in moving there. For a while I thought I'll give it a try but then I realised that its not good for me to move to Sri Lanka.

Here are the two reasons why I shouln'd move: First of all I'm a tamilian who signs in tamil and don't want to get into trouble because of that. And second of all, I'm a kind of a guy who likes to promote things like 'Go Green,' 'Save the environment,' 'conserve energy,' etc. If I have to stand there and say 'Save the Tiger' I might get killed you know.

The Signature

I was loaded with lots and lots of work for the last couple of weeks. What was more frustrating was most of these were someone else's work. I was expected to take over at the last minute and turn things around within a few hours, basically perform miracles. I thought it was time to tell people ''I ain't no Moses.''

Then I thought, may be I should get to the root cause and find out why all the work is getting dumped on me. After some deep thinking, i got to the root cause. I always sign off on my e mails as ''Cheers! V.'' So all this while whenever someone said ''we will work on it,'' they actually meant ''V will work on it.'' I've changed my signature ever since!

The Hair Cut

I went to the barber yesterday for a hair cut and I had to pay 25 bucks for the same. I was wondering, I have less hair and why should I pay regular charges. But then I realised that the cost is not just to chop the hair a bit but also to chop it in such a way that it souuld appear as if I've had a haircut and at the same time make it look like I've not lost any hair. I must admit that the barber did a pretty good job and I ain't complaining anymore.

The Plastic Cover

I don't know about other countries, but Indians seem to have an obsession towards plastic covers. Every time they buy something new, most Indians tend to use it with the plastic cover that was wrapped around the product during the packaging. the most common things that are used with the covers on are seats & apolseries in cars, tv or home theatre remotes, music players, home theatre speakers, printers, computer peripherals, etc. In a nutshell Indians always use things that are covered with plastic! However when it comes to birthcontrol, no one seems to follow this principle.