Bangalore Roads

Here are some of the most common things you will come across when you are on the roads in Bangalore. For people who are aspiring to drive in Bangalore this is more of a heads up and for people who drive through this trauma every day, you will just be able to relate to these very well.

80% of Bangalore's Traffic jams are caused by two things: A BMTC bus that broke down on the road and is parked almost diagonally on the road only leaving enough space for Auto rickshaws and two wheelers to pass through. The other thing that causes Traffic Jams in Bangalore roads are traffic cops, who have blocked half of the road with barricades in order to repaint a zebra crossing on the road during peak hours. Or they have caught a truck without proper papers and made him park the truck blocking the road till a higher official gets there

Majority of the bus stops are at the closest proximity to traffic signals, fly overs and bottle necks on the road ensuring that very limited vehicles should get past them during peak hours.

When you realise that the vehicle in front of you trying to move towards the left side of the road while there appears to be a lot of empty space towards the right side of the road don't think you are smart and move to the right side of the road because you will bang into a cow standing in that side of the road or fall into a huge pit around which the road seems to have been built.

If you ever happen to be driving a car to some place trying to make it on time and if you are in a narrow road where there two auto rickshaws trying to overtake each other right in front of you. Then the only sensible thing to do is to give up the idea of making it on time. The auto rickshaws will appear to be going faster than the speed of sound and the engines will be constipating to death but the auto riskshaws are actually going at a speed of may be about 25 Kms per hour. So just sit there and pray that the road gets broader soon so that you can over take them.

The simplest soultuion our government can come up with reduce traffic congestion in Bangalore is to put as many traffic singals as possible. Some times you see a free left and a signal for the same, don't assume that the free left concept in Bangalore is the same as in the rest of the world and turn left because there will be a cop wating to fine you just round the corner.

If you are walking down a pavement and if you hear somebody honking at you, don't get startled or offended because most of our pavements are meant for two wheelers and if you happen to be walking in a pavement blocking the way of a biker they will honk to death.

The size of your vehicle decides whether your father owns the roads or not. And hence the size of your vehicle is inversly proportional to road sense.

Traffic rules and road sense are not applicable to BMTC buses and auto rickshaws.

If you are going for an important appointment in a bike, never stop your bike to a bus in singnals. Or if you are in a car, never park you car next to a bus and even if you do so don't leave your windows open. Because its not cool to wear a shirt on which sombody has spit paan.

If you are behind a bus that is moving at about 25 kms speed, never try to overtake the bus from the left because suddenly you'll see people jumping out of the bus.

If there has been an accident there will definitely be a traffic congestion for a long time not because the road is not cleared, its beacuse though the road is cleared every vehicle that passes by that road will drive at 10 Kms per Hour speed staring at the victims. No body will do a jack sh*t to help the victims but will just stare for a while and move on.

If somebody even slightly bangs into your vehicle, you are supposed to stop you vehicle right at the middle of the road, get off from it and start a fight with the other guy regardless of how much of traffic congestion you cause. You can then disperse at the sight of a trafic cop because if the cop gets there he will not let you clear the road until he's made a profit.

Signals are primarly meant for old people, women drivers, new drivers and NRIs. If you are not any of these then you can drive past the signal even when its red and there is a traffic constable standing there. The only thing you need to be careful is if there is more than once traffic cop then you should adhere to the traffic signals unless you want to donate money to the cops.

If you have a two wheeler you are not allowed to drive in the wrong direction on the road but it is perfectly normal and acceptable if you are pushing your bike in the wrong direction though the trouble you'll cause doing so will last longer that it would if you have to just drive in the wrong direction. This is because of the fact that you are not sitting on you bike which means technically you are not driving but you are just walking which is not an offence but the only thing is that you've got a bike along with you while walking.

It is perfectly normal to honk, shout and abuse a vehicle with an "L" board that is either blocking your way or is going too slow for you to tolerate. Its not your problem that the other person does not know driving.

The Secret to success for "Driving in Bangalore Roads" is all about filling the gaps without banging into other vehicles, animals, people, cops, barricades, etc. You just need to keep adjusting your speed and switching lanes.

These are some of the things i can remember for now, will keep adding to the list as and when I recall / discover more on this topic.

Eureka! Eureka! Eureka! - Please do not take this seriously as this is purely meant for fun

A place for ground breaking and revolutionary ideas on anything

1. How to save tigers

In order to save tigers, man should start eating them, make new new dishes out of tiger... tiger 65, butter tiger, tiger manchurian, chilli tiger, pepper tiger dry, lollipop tiger, tiger biriyani, country tiger biriyani, etc, etc... by doing this the number of tigers in the world will see an alarming increase and we'll end up having tigers every where...
You may be a bit puzzled about this suggestion but let me explain... why do you think we have enough chicken in the world? its because man eats chicken so the demand for chicken is increasing day by day to meet the demands, the supply has to increase as well so they breed more and more chickens. Similarly if we start eating tigers, the dmand will increase due to increase in demand we'll have to increase the supply and hence the tiger popluation can be increased....

2. How to save fuel

The oil reserves in the world are becoming scarse day by day and we know that we need to conserve and save fuel so that it will not go extinct. Though we are into pathbreaking innovations on vehicles that can run in water, air, mud, etc, etc I have come up with an idea that will help us save fuel to a large extent. So lets look at that biggest vehicles that run on oil, aeroplanes right. So for example, we all know how many gallons of oil we need if we need to fly an aircraft from India to US. But I am saying that we can fly from one part of the world to the other wihout having to waste so much of fuel and this is how we do it. Lets take the India to US trip example itself, when the plane takes off, instead of going east or west we should go straight up till we reach the place in the sky where there is no gravity. As soon as we get there, we should switch off the engine and wait there. Now the earth is rotating and after some time America will come to the place where India was when we took off. Now all we need to do is turn on the engine and come straight down to land in America. Hence we've used as little fuel as possible.
3. How to transfer data without Network or storage media?
If you want to move any data from one computer to another, and you realise that these two computers are not on a network nor do they have an CD / DVD writers and if you don't have any storage device with you like a pen drive or some thing, you can still transfer data from one comp to the other. Its simple, just follow these steps,
- Right click on the file you want to transfer to the other comp.
- From the dialogue box that opens, Click on 'Copy.'
- Now disconnect that mouse from the computer and plug it on the other computer.
- Go to desktop, right click and from the dialogue box that opens, click 'Paste.'
- File Transferred!

Moral of the Story!

1. Emerging Winners!


Ramu & Somu, yes the same Ramu Somu from the touching and moving stories. Ramu & Somu were watching India Vs Pakistan Cricket match in the television. India's situation was getting worse minute after minute and the match was turning in Pakistan's favour. Ramu and Somu started biting their nails in anxiety inspite of having enough snaks to bite. At the defining moment, Indian batsmen hit a couple of boundries and saved the scene for India.


Ramu and Somu felt a little relieved and Ramu asked Somu to pass on the chips packet that was lying in the table. Somu took the chips packet and reached out to Ramu but accidentally dropped the packet spilling chips all over the carpet. Ramu was a bit furious about this but Somu was holding his stomach and laughing his guts out. Ramu asked "What's so funny about this?" Somu was still laughing out loud without paying attention to Ramu.....


Moral of the Story: If you can laugh when the chips are down, you will overcome all the huddles and emerge a winner!




2. Beautiful Thing

Why do we close our eyes when we pray, when we cry, when we dream, when we miss some someone we love? Because the most beautiful things in life are not seen but felt by heart.
So Moral of the story is: Sneezing is one of the most beautiful things in life!

Shortest Stories

Touching Story:
Ramu passes by a mango tree everyday on his way to school. He always wanted to touch those mangoes but because he is a small kid, he was never able to reach out to those mangoes. After some years when Ramu grew up to be a man, he came back to the mango tree and TOUCHED the mangoes!

Moving Story:
Somu was living in a rented house which he wasn't able to afford anymore. The rent was high and he had issues with getting water and power supplies regularly. His house owner never bothered to address any of these issues and Somu's frustration was building day by day. One fine day Somu went to a nearby shop and bought Free Ads and Ad Mag. He searched for houses for rent, found a good house that suits his needs and budget and he MOVED!

How to propose to a Girl...

I'm gonna teach you some "out of the box" ideas on how to propose to a girl.... (I am not responsible for any side effects)

Death Trap:

From finding the girl to falling in love to fixing an appointment for the proposal will be your responsibility. After that....

You'll have to carry the following in a bag for the appointment:

• Rope - 2 meters.
• One Knife.
• One Bottle Poison.
• One pistol. 

Once the girl arrives... obviously you'll be the first to reach there and she'll come a bit late. So once the girl arrives and settles down start taking out the above items one by one from your bag and start arranging them on a table or something. Once you emptied the bag, hold the girl's hand who is already terrified and is ready to run. Keep staring at the items you took out from the bag and tell the girl,

"None of these could kill me but your eyes did!!!" Now look into the girl's eyes and say whatever you want to......

Watch out this space for more ideas...

Gyan Pages

This pages contains some of the one liners i've come up with while giving general gyan to people...

Growing in an organisation is like Doppler Effect. The closer you get to the top, the louder you become.

There is never a bad time to do something good nor a good time to do something bad.

You can't get to heaven if you are not ready to die for it.

When you learn to differentiate between the right things and not doing the wrong things, you'll start progressing.

Challenges are thrown at people who has the guts to face it.

In today's corporate world if you try to be a Jesus Christ by carrying others burdens, you will be crucified.

We live in a country where someone's integrity is questioned only when they are honest.

People don't stop doing bad things because they are good. People stop doing bad things because they know somebody's watching.

The tolerence power of an employee is directly proportional to his / her tenurity in the organisation.

Success is one poison that I always want to taste.

It doesn't matter how many people look at you. What matters is how many people look up to you.

Opportunities are not meant for you only when you don't make an attempt.

The extent to which your friends miss you is directly proportional to your bank balance.

If you want to get the best prize in the job market for yourself you've got to get out of your comfort zone. Ever wondered why a chicken costs a lot more than an egg?

The problem with trying to get people up the curve is that if the curve is too steep, they'll end up going in circles.

Problems and solutions don't come from anywhere, you make them on your own.

Being smart really helps but not acting smart.

There is nothing wrong in dreaming big. But when you dream big, do so at your own cost.

More to come......

My trip to BIA

I had to make this "Lightning Visit" to my home town Coimbatore in late September 2008. The plan was for me reach there on thursday evening, spend a couple of hours with my folks and take a bus back on thursday night to get back to Bangalore by Friday morning. I booked my ticket in a Kingfisher Red aircraft that leaves at 1810 Hrs IST from Bangalore International Airport (BIA).

So far all my flight travels have been "On Business" hence I was always provided with a company car to get to the airport. This time since its a personal trip I had to make my own arrangements to get there. I was pretty determined to avail the bus service to BIA called "BIAS," which I always refer to as buffalo, only because it was cheaper than my air ticket to coimbatore. If I had to take a taxi it would cost me about 600 INR whereas my air ticket was 500 INR (though it came up to some 3 1/2 grand with tax). 

A week before my journey, I did a google search to find more details on the buffalo services and couple of websits that had information on this stated "Buffalos ply from all parts of the city to BIA and you'll see a buffalo every 10 minutes. Cost will range between 90 INR & 120 INR." This sounded like a good deal to me because the frequency was good and the cost too. So I made my plans...

My Flight was at 1810 Hrs IST and in order to save time I did an e-check in on thursday morning. I left office at 1530 Hrs IST so that I will have enough time to get to the airport and also if I don't manage to get a buffalo after waiting for 30 to 40 minutes, I'll still have enough time to take the taxi to get there. I got out of my Office in Ulsoor and was waiting for a buffalo in the bus stop that was just outside my office.

I have seen quite a few bufallos pass by in the past, but for my luck I did not find even a single one that day. Looking at my watch every 30 seconds did not help as well. It was already 1600 Hrs IST and no signs of even a single buffalo. Then I saw this beautiful green taxi parked out side my office. I saw light at the end of the tunnel but did not realise thats because of an approaching train until I spoke to the Taxi Driver. I decided even if it costs 600 bucks I'll still take this taxi because I just had about an hour to get to the airport. When I approached the taxi driver and asked him if he could drive me to BIA, he said he's booked and is waiting for the customer. He even called one of his friends to check if he can come over to drive me down to BIA but unfortunately he was also booked.

I then said "Unbelievable" to myself and called the call center number that was written on the beautiful green taxi. The lady who answered the was polite as usual but told me that i"ll have to wait for atelast an hour and 15 minutes to get a taxi. She also recommended me to book a taxi atleast a day in advance going forward. I thanked her for her timely advice and hung up. Then this 'out of the taxi' idea struck my mind, why don't I take an auto rickshaw till Hebbal and there I will get a buffalo for sure. 

"Genius" I said to myself and got into an auto rickshaw (for people reading my blog in the UK, an auto rickshaw is nothing but a Tuk Tuk). I told the 'Auto Driver' (he is not autoamatic but that's how they are called here) "drive as fast as you and get me to Hebbal." He said it will cost me 120 bucks and I told him "I don't care just get me there." It was already 1615 Hrs IST when I got into the auto rickshaw and my reporting time was at 1740 Hrs IST. The auto driver let his auto rickshaw flow through the gaps between vehicles and drove as fast as he can. On the way to Hebbal he asked me where I live, a little startled with the question I asked him "Why?" He did not bother answering my question but asked anohter question "You say some where in Lingarajapuram right? I know you." "How?"I asked him as I was getting more curious. "I have dropped you once to Lingarajapuram from your office." I was wondering how the hell can he remember a passenger he dropped and I haven't travelled in an auto rickshaw for may be 4 months now. Before I could ask him the next question, he gave me the answer, "I can very well remember you because of your moustache." "Paparazzis" I told myself and told the auto driver "That's nice, but please get me to Hebbal soon."

The auto driver said he can drop me in front of Bangalore Baptist Hospital and will not be able to drive me past the Hebbal Flover as he'll have to go a long way to take a U turn. I got down in fornt of Baptist Hospital and stood there in the bus stop hoping to get a buffalo. It was 1645 and no buffalos yet. I called up City Taxi to see if they can send me a taxi, a lady answered the phone and said I'll have to wait for atleast 45 minutes to get a taxi. I said fine send it anyways. It was 1655 no buffalos yet, then I got this 'out of the auto rikshaw' idea. I thought I'll take one of these buses that goes to the nearby villages if they go via BIA. I asked one bus conductor if his bus goes via BIA he said "yes we go through the main road but not uptill the terminal." I got into the bus thinking that even if I get till the BIA peripheral road I can some how manage to get to the airport from there. I bought the ticket which costed me 15 bucks and stood at the door peeping out to see if I can spot any buffalos. 

The bus was going in the right direction for some time and after it crossed Yelahanka, the bus turned left and got into some other road. I know we should be going straight to get to BIA but was not sure of this road the bus turned into but why take a chance. I screamed at the conductor asking him to stop the bus. The conductor couldn't hear me as there was some Kannada movie playing in the television in the bus in full volume. I decided to get off the bus and jumped from the running bus. As I was waking back to the main road, I saw a buffalo pass by "HOPE!" if I have spotted the first buffalo on this road then I will definitely get another one in 10 minutes as the website mentioned. 

Just before I got on to the main road, I saw an empty taxi returning to the city from the same road that bus went into. I jumped in front of the taxi, stopped him and asked if he could drive me to the airport. He said it will cost me 500 bucks, I looked at my watch it was 1715. I said "take what ever you want but get me to the airport in 15 minutes." On the way to the airport the taxi driver told me that his son has finished B.Tech and asked if I could get him a job in my company. I told him "I'll give you my e-mail address ask your son to send me his resume, I will forward it to the right people." Though he took a little longer than I expected he dropped me at the airport at 1735. I gave him my e-mail id, paid him 500 bucks and got out of the taxi. I did not spot a single buffalo till I got to BIA except the one I saw before I got into the taxi. As i was collecting my boarding pass, I got a call from this unknown number. I answered it and the guy in the other end told me that he is calling from city taxi and he is waiting for me in front of Bangalore Baptist Hospital. I told him "thanks for coming but I don't need your services any longer, you can go home early today."

I completed the security check and ran into the loo to change, I was going to my home town to attend a wedding. While I was changing my shirt in the loo, I noticed this guy who was standing and staring at me with an expression in his face that said "What the hell is that guy doing taking his shirts off?" I looked at the guy and asked him "What are you looking at? Never seen anybody change clothes in front of a mirror?" he just left without speaking a word. I changed and ran towards the terminal and got into the bus that will take me to the aircraft. The bus started as soon as I got in and I was feeling relieved that I finally made it on time. I was looking at the Boeings and the Airbuses standing there and was remembering my earlier flight experiences. 

When the bus stopped, I had another shock awaitng. I was flying an ATR!, not a boeing nor an airbus. It was at that moment did I realized that Kingfisher Red does not mean some premium class but Air Deccan. There I stood in front of the aircraft wondering how am I going to manage till I get to Coimbatore because I'm sure my legs will not fit in those seats. One of the cabin crew members got me back to my sences, "Sir do you want to get in, we should be ready for take off." As I was still staring at the ATR is asked her "How long did you say the flight is?"